Mr. Personality

My son's emerging personality is a kick. Alex and I just crack up on a daily basis over things he does or faces he makes. He really is just such a funny, little boy.

Take the other night, Alex picked a stuffed ghost out of Sebastian's toy basket for Sebastian to play with. This is a plush ghost I was given years back. Starbucks sold it and it has the funniest google eyes that make me laugh every time I see it.



Apparently Sebastian agreed. The following is photo documentation of Sebastian meeting Boo the blue ghost.











This last one kills me. The look in his eyes, oh my Lord. I love his "spider eyes".



I just love this kid!

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand, Six Hundred Minutes

"Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Moments So Dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?"

A year ago today I received this gift and it has changed my life.




I love you more than anything, Sebastian Sylvanus and I am so happy and honored to be your mommy!

Sebastian at 11 Weeks and Moving Day

Our last few days on the Monterey Peninsula were so very busy with all of our last minute errands and trying to fit in visits with special people. Being busy was good for me because it gave me less time to think about what was happening. Luckily new adventures also helped curb the sadness and anxiety.

One of those special people was Auntie Megan. We decided to take the babies (inside and out)to some of our favorite places to eat together. I wanted to have a last meal, as it were, at The Brit and some "Sex in a Dish" at The Crown. It was kind of weird hanging out at a pub midday Saturday. We were the only chicks in the place other than the waitress (Betty). Needless to say I didn't nurse in public on this occasion.



Sebastian had a good time staring at everything, most especially Megan's food. He would just stare and drool.



We got to visit with Betty, my favorite waitress ever and say goodbye.



After lunch at The Brit we went to The Crown for dessert and had to introduce Sebastian to the Xlerator. He was not impressed but we had to take a pic for old time's sake.



The next day my mom, Sebastian, and I braved the crowds at the Monterey Bay Aquarium to go to Otter Days. It was going to be Sebastian's first visit to the Aquarium. We didn't stay long because, really, how interested and entertained can a 2 month old be by tanks of fish? He liked the Outer Bay exhibits the best and actually watched the fish and jelly fish for a bit. He got to see the Aquarium's newest Great White Shark (number 7). I was amused by how many people thought the Galapagos sharks were the Great White and would say so to all around them. Never mind that they look totally different from each other.


Sebastian admiring the fish



Monterey Bay Aquarium's Great White

After a while we knew we had hit our limit. There were way too many people around. We stopped into the gift stores to find something for Sebastian to commemorate his visit. He got an otter book, a sea otter plushie, and a shark plushie. I was wavering on which shark to get and was holding this one near him. He reached out and grabbed it so we figured he chose it for himself. His daddy wasn't thrilled with yet another stuffed animal when I told him. Later Sebastian was holding the shark in his stroller and it looked like he was kissing it. In reality I think he was tasting it.



Afterwards Sebastian and I took my mom out for her first Grandparent's day lunch. Her card made her cry.

Eventually moving day arrived. My cousin Kristin came to the airport to say goodbye and as support for my mom afterwards. I had Sebastian dressed in a onesie one of my students made for him. It was a Gerber so although it was the right size month wise, it didn't fit. So he wore it as a tee shirt.



Boarding came all too soon and I was rushed ahead in the security line making our goodbyes quick. It might have been for the best because I was already crying enough. A nice TSA woman gave me a kleenex and another, a guy, helped me through security with all of my crap.

Dealing with my shoes, jacket, moby wrap, diaper bag, car seat, stroller, laptop and bag, not to mention my 2 month old son could have been a nightmare but it went pretty easy. Everybody was so nice and helpful at Air Canada, especially when they realized I was alone.

I was worried that Sebastian would freak out and cry during the flight. Obviously the other passengers were as well. The looks of fear as we walked down the plane aisle were hilarious. It was as if there were at least three dozen brains thinking, "Please don't sit next to me, please don't sit next to me. Oh thank God they passed me."

We got an aisle seat which we requested. They left the seat in the center empty (thank goodness because I ended up needing that space for breastfeeding)and there was a quiet businessman sitting in the window seat. The dude who was sitting across the aisle from me was noticeably bummed that he was going to be sitting across from a baby. "I always sit next to the youngest person on the plane, no fail." I must brag that this was the same guy who loudly declared, "He was the best baby EVAR!" at the end of the flight. That's right, Sebastian made it through the whole flight with nary a peep. Everyone around us was so impressed. I was just grateful.

All in all the flight section of our trip was great. I have nothing but good things to say about Air Canada. The counter folks and flight attendants were so very helpful.



Then we got to customs...yeah different story. On the plane we had to fill out a declaration form. I filled it out as someone who lived in Canada with my Canadian address. This obviously was confusing and not satisfactory to the customs agent who gave me the third degree while staring me and my passport down. He freaked my shite out and grilled me for about 10 minutes. Finally he said I could go through the gates.

And then I was stopped by two other agents/guards/whatever blocking my way. Original agent must have clued them in somehow and I was told I had to go to the immigration office.

Oh My God!

I could have dropped dead of a heart attack right then. I just wheeled Sebastian, in the stroller, down the hall to the office saying, "Mommy screwed up". I totally thought I was going to get deported. Luckily the next agent was super nice. He understood what was going on, approved my paperwork saying I could bring Sebastian in the country, and stamped a visa in my passport. He said he wouldn't stamp the little boy's because he was Canadian. He wished me good luck with my permanent residence paperwork and sent us on our way. One difficulty down, one to go.

Take it from me Toronto aiport sucks beans. I had never seen an airport that did not allow outside people into the baggage area. What the hell? Here I am, all alone with a baby, immigrating with three gigantor suitcases, two carry ons, a stroller, and a car seat. Uhhhh yeah. So I quickly got one of those roller carts (thanking myself for saving some Canadian currancy from our last visit) and after putting Sebastian into the Moby, loaded all of it onto the cart like a giant tower worthy of the Duggars. That Moby saved my life, for serious. I wouldn't have been able to make it without it. Off we went through the sliding doors to see Alex waiting for us and waiting for us to start our new life.

Oh Canada!

Sebastian at Ten Weeks

Another busy week at Gramma's full of activities and goodbyes.

On Labor Day we were extremely lucky to have lunch with Mel, who came up from LA to visit her mom. Sebastian took to her which I expected him to do. Seeing Mel with him was awesome and I was amazed at what a natural she was with him.

Oh yeah, I got a haircut

We had a great lunch at Tillie's for old times sake. I shall miss the Jive Turkey for no matter how he tries, Alex can't get it just right when he makes them at home.

Sebastian had a female admirer at Tillie's in young miss Alexi who was sitting a table away. At three she kept commenting how he couldn't talk yet, but he could wear her dress if he wanted. Uh oh, chicks are already wanting to take off their dresses for him. LOL To be fair it was a very cute dress.

Wednesday my mom took us to lunch at Nepenthe in Big Sur. It was another one of my last things I needed to do before I left. I love their Ambrosia burgers so much so we went to get one. It was basically another photo op with Sebastian and luckily it was a beautiful day. Sad to think that we won't see this view for a year. I think it I took it all for granted for way too long.



*Warning poop mentioned*This week was the week of the blowout. When a baby goes a whole day without pooping you know there is going to be hell to pay somewhere down the road, and oh yes, did we get it, all up the back and out the legs. Then he decided to pee on my mom before pooping yet again, sans diaper. After I ran around and got all the supplies and new clothes together he decided to pee again, but only hit himself. You just had to laugh at the whole thing. Sebastian laughed, himself. I almost took a picture for posterity and to show Alex but refrained. Man, it was bad. And wouldn't you know, a few hours later in McDonald's it happened again. This time he got himself and me with the blowout. Luckily I caught it before standing up at the register.

Sebastian also has had blowouts of the milk variety a few times causing him to be bathed a lot. He didn't seem to mind that so much.

On Friday, Sebastian and I celebrated an early grandparent's day, taking my mom and grandma to lunch at my grandmother's favorite Mexican restaurant. It's so hard for my Grammy to get around now and I am glad she let us take her out. Sebastian and Grammy happened to match so I got some shots of them and a couple of me and Sebastian. He was all about the duckies that day.



We were about to leave when my mom realized her car wouldn't start. A call was made to AAA and we waited. Have I ever mentioned that Sebastian doesn't wait very well in the car? He hates his car seat anyway and a stopped car with the car seat is a deadly combo. Of course I was sitting nursing when the tow truck rolls up. Long story short, the car had to be towed and my mom and I need to walk ourselves back to her place (same town)with the baby in the stroller. Out of the car comes all of the baby stuff and I notice that, once again, we have a blow out.

Thankfully, we are just outside my grandmother's residence so I trudge upstairs to her room to change the messy little boy, passing through a room of elderly folks celebrating September birthdays. I felt like a heel rushing through as I heard countless squeals of, "Oooh a baaaby!" but I had a diaper disaster to avert. My grandmother explained to me that babies were the best thing for these folks to see. I continued to feel like a heel as I rushed back through the room to meet my mom outside. I did stop a second to make Sebastian wave to the sweet old ladies who again squealed in his presence. Honestly, it made me sad.

Eventually we got home to my mom's, all in one piece and poop free.

More random Sebastian cuteness of the week.

Sebastian at Two Months

My sweet boy is two months already. I can't believe it. It's also hard to believe that our time here in my hometown is almost over and that Alex hasn't seen us for almost two weeks. It seems like Sebastian will be a whole new person by the time his daddy gets to see him again.

This past week has been busy, busy, busy.

Friday we went geocaching. We had all good intentions to try to get at least four caches found but with the heat wave that was hitting the Peninsula hard we only found two. I've realized that geocaching with an infant is hard. You can't get down and scrounge around well with a baby in a Moby. Even though my mom found the first one, she was a good Gramma and let Sebastian pick the swag "he" wanted out of the cache. I picked a cool pathtag that was a rainbow "found it" smilie for his baby book.

Sunday we got to hang with Auntie Megan and her growing inside baby. I just get giddy thinking about her pregnancy and can't wait for the wee (or maybe not so wee) baby to make his or her arrival. I just wish I could be here. Sebastian and I are going to be heartbroken having to leave Auntie. Luckily we get to see her again before we leave.

On Monday we went to the first day of school at JSS. I had told the kids I would so we hauled ourselves to school by 7:45. Sadly, I didn't get to see too many kids because we were surrounded by parents. I was happy to see them as well but it would have been nice to show Sebastian off to more of my former students.

I had a sort of sad realization as we were watching assembly. That it would be the first and last time Sebastian was there for the Pledge of Allegiance. In a couple weeks he'd be saluting (if Canadians do such a thing) a different flag. Now I'm not the most patriotic person anymore, thank you George Bush for squelching that, but it was a sad thought. I said it out-loud to one of the moms I'm friends with and I think I almost made her cry.

Afterwards we drove to Gilroy to hit the outlets. Carter's seemed to be the only store that had stuff I really liked so I stocked up on some things. I've bought so many new clothes for Sebastian this week I had to buy him his own suitcase. How lame considering I had a small one, in Canada.

Tuesday we had Sebastian's first play date with baby Kai and Sierra at my Bradley teacher, Sara's house. She and her husband are some other new folks in our lives we will be sad to leave behind. They are a military family, however and may be moving to DC so there is a chance we'd see them again.

Kai is 6 months old so he, of course, is scootching around and being very active. Sebastian was a typical 2 months lump on a log. We had a nice mommy lunch and then took the three kids on a walk in an area that I had never been to, in my whole 37 years living here. It was kind of sad really that it took me that long to check out that rec trail.

Sebastian and Mama along the rec trail



There isn't a big diffrence in height between the boys but a big difference in head size.


Sebastian and Sara


Check it, this is how you touch your toes

Wednesday we took Sebastian to get his two month portraits at JCPenney's. he was much more alert and happy than last time which was good. Our photographer even remarked as such. She was very good with him. Hopefully we'll find another good studio photographer in Ontario. Luckily we caught some smiles for some good pictures. Oh and mall = more clothes for Sebastian.

He cracked himself up

Thursday was Sebastian's actual "monthday" and we spent that running errands including his two month pediatrician visit with shots :( I was really looking forward to the measuring part of the appointment, not so much the vaccinations.

See, Mama is not happy

Sebastian was not happy being naked and waiting for the doctor. He made up for it by peeing all over the floor.

His two month stats are as follows:

Height: 24.5 inches, 95th percentile.

Weight: 15 lbs 2 oz, >95th percentile

Head circumference: 39.5 cm, 50th percentile

For vaccinations he had a Polio shot, a Hib shot, and a Rotavirus oral dose which he promptly spit out.

We also continued dealing with the old apartment this week. Who knew you could generate so much crap in 7 years? It has been awful trying to get painting and cleaning done with a little boy who would rather be with his mama 24/7. I'm not thrilled that Alex left me with so much garbage to deal with but I keep reminding myself that I'm sure what he is dealing with on the other end isn't fun either.

Sebastian at Eight Weeks

You may have noticed we missed a week, Sebastian at seven weeks, and to be honest there wasn't anything to write about. We packed and when we were done with that packing, we packed some more. Sadly the packing extended into Sebastian's next week which I'm sure wasn't fun for him and certainly wasn't for us. In fact I'm fairly certain it was hellish all around. My mom helped us yet again but it still was very difficult for me to get anything done.

I wore my Moby every now and again when Sebastian would freak out and refuse to sleep. This night he would go to sleep only to wake up as soon as we put him down. We both are as frazzled as we look in this pic.

He has taken to facing outward in the Moby. I know he is a bit young for it but has great head control to do so (ok, obviously not while sleeping) we face him outward every now and again. He loves being able to see everything.

Eventually moving day (Monday) came and we pulled an all-nighter getting everything in the truck. I purged a lot of stuff because it just wouldn't fit and much of it I didn't need anyway. How did I accumulate so much crap?

The apartment was so cold and empty and the only stick of furniture available to sit on was an old chair we were going to be dumping. My mom ended up having to sit with Sebastian in this lone chair while he slept.

And then, at 6 am, it was time to say goodbye to Alex and head off to my mom's house. This was sad all around. I hate having to be separated from him and hate that Sebastian has to be too. Sebastian gave his daddy tons of smiles as he put us in the car which made us all cry.

It's been tough going at Gramma's but getting easier. Sebastian has had some moments where he cries and cries, so much so he stops breathing. One day, as I was trying to repaint the apartment, he wouldn't even let my mom hold him. He would freak out if I wasn't holding him. I think he thought I was going to disappear like daddy. I understand his sadness. He's away from the only home he knows and away from all of his stuff and his daddy. We have a couple more weeks so hopefully things will get better.

Other Sebastian cuteness

Oooh let's wag our fingers at all the no no's in this picture. Baby sleeping in an adult bed, check. With blankets and pillows, check. On his tummy, check. Super happy, comfy, napping baby, double check.

Happiness is discovering you and your baby have matching socks.


I love you too, Sebastian!

Moving is no fun.

What is Lost, is Now Found

Sometimes life has a way of pulling people apart and throwing them under the bus and sometimes it can bring people together in the craziest of ways.

There have been a couple people in my life who have been repeatedly lost and found. Both of them very special to me and life impacting. The loss of both of them caused me many hours of repeated Googling and yes, even some tears as I failed to find them.

One of those people, my high school best friend, I reconnected with again through Facebook the holy grail of connectedness. She actually found me as I guess we had both been looking for each other.

The second of these people was found two nights ago, something I never thought would happen. My dear friend Catherine called me from Boise to tell me that she had found our friend Tim. Tim had been lost years ago and she and I had been Googling him ever since, every few months to see if we could find him.

Tim was one of those people who seemed imposing at first. Intense and lanky and standing at 6'5, he might kind of freak people out if they didn't know him. If you had the honor of getting to know him you quickly found out what an awesome guy he was. He would do anything for his friends and was there for me at times when no one else would.

I lost Tim the first time to meth. A few of my friends, theatre and otherwise, started using recreationally and some of them disappeared into the fog of it, one even died because of it and other addictions. Tim was one of those people who dissappeared. It didn't help that all of us in our group were going our separate (though not permanent) ways.

My ex-husband and I ran into Tim one night at a club. I hadn't seen Tim for quite some time at this point. He was on the edge of despair that night. He had been sober but was about to start using again. Since we were involved in the rave scene at that time we invited him to go to a party with us the next weekend and he said yes. At the time he said the "scene" changed his life and maybe it did in a way. It brought him back into my life for sure.

Later, his life was to change again when his mom died. She had emphyzema and died in his care. That really threw him and he sold the house, took out all of his money (helping lots of people on the way because that's how he is)and hit the road. I figure he was wanting to find himself.

He would send me letters and call every now and again, telling me where he was and what adventure he was having. The letters started worrying me though as it became apparent he was running out of money and finding himself in less than ideal situations. Eventually, the calls and letters stopped. Last I knew Tim was in New Orleans around Katrina. I had received a letter and a pretty necklace about a year before or so and then he was gone. After Katrina I searched and searched for him hoping he was on some survivors list or any kind of list at all.

So Cath calls me and tells me that she had Googled Tim and that she found this website PimpThisBum.com and that our friend Tim is the subject of it. She also said he was all over the news. After our conversation I look and see that she is correct. Tim is all over the AP, CNN even, and yes, the subject of a website called Pimp this Bum.

Can Web site offer homeless man hope?
By MONICA RHOR, Associated Press Writer

Saturday, March 7, 2009

(03-07) 16:49 PST HOUSTON (AP) --

Until a few weeks ago, Tim Edwards was just another one of the men begging for change at a busy Houston underpass, ignored by most drivers who sped on past without a glance.

Now, thanks to an Internet marketing campaign and unlikely allies, Edwards has become the human face of homelessness to thousands of online viewers drawn to his Web site by its deliberately controversial name — Pimp This Bum.

During regular Webcasts, dozens of visitors to www.pimpthisbum.com/ ask questions about Edwards' life and his slow fall from office manager with a home, a car, and a future to an outcast short of hope and with little prospect of help.

The Web site also is a venue where visitors can donate money, services and goods to help Edwards yank himself out of homelessness.

Some homeless advocates say it makes Edwards a victim of exploitation, but the organizers say that edgy tone is what makes the project succeed.

"We wanted to insult people's sensitivities so that they would go to the site and see Tim, and people seem to have fallen in love with him. He's funny and doesn't blame the world for his situation," said Kevin Dolan, 55, a marketing specialist from the Houston suburb of Katy who started the Web site with his 24-year-old son, Sean.

If the site had been called "Help the Homeless," many Web surfers might just have clicked on past, says Sean.

The Dolans had initially set out to test an advertising campaign and generate publicity for their new Internet marketing business. They planned to promote a mom-and-pop business, until Sean suggested using the Web site to do some good.

Now visitors to the Web site are getting to know Edwards beyond the stereotype of an anonymous group labeled "The Homeless."

"I'm the world's first online bum," jokes Edwards, a lanky, bearded 37-year-old who talks about life on the streets with a mix of dark humor and unvarnished honesty. "The whole idea of this project is to get people off the street. I'm the pioneer, but I've got friends behind me. If I don't get this right, it ain't gonna work for them."

The Web site features videos of Edwards and a photograph showing him with a hand-drawn, cardboard sign.

There's a "Donate" button where viewers can charge donations to their credit card. And some people have dropped by Edwards' regular panhandling spot to drop off food and fast-food gift cards — or just to shout hello.

This coming week, Edwards is scheduled to enter an alcohol detox program at the Seattle-based Sunray Treatment and Recovery, which is providing the $13,800, 35-day program free of charge. There are plans to air Webcasts as Edwards goes through the program.

Some homeless advocates say the Web site does little to address the underlying issues of homelessness. Even the name makes Anthony Love bristle.

"He is a person. His name is Tim. And to pimp anyone is not something I would endorse," said Love, president of the Coalition for the Homeless of Houston/Harris County.

The Web site also stirred up an Internet debate over the merits of the Dolans' approach. One blogger named KatDish commented: "Your impassioned pleas for helping Tim get off the street don't hold much weight when you ask him to hold up a sign that says "Pimp this Bum" and let people know he needs a Sharpie and a cheeseburger."

But Edwards says he roared with laughter when Sean Dolan nervously approached him with the idea of the Web site and the proposed name. It was a night in early February when he and several other homeless men were gathered beneath an underpass, "getting drunk like we always do."

At first, he wasn't sure if the Dolans were a threat or just do-gooders bringing food. Now he considers them an answer to a prayer.

"I asked God to make it rain and here come these guys. And I thought this is just crazy enough to work," he said.

Edwards had been mired in homelessness since Aug. 19, 2004 (he remembers the exact date), unable to shake severe alcoholism.

He has become skilled in the art of survival on the street: Keep to your own territory. Beg enough for the bare necessities — food, cigarettes, drink — then get off the corner. Learn who to trust and who to stay away from.

He has seen close friends die from years of addiction, from infections and from simple, intractable hopelessness. And he had come to the edge many times himself, once yearning to lay down and die.

Edwards says he has tried programs aimed at getting the homeless off the streets, but none have worked for him.

"Those programs work for some people, but for some, they don't. We're not 'The Homeless.' Not some monolithic group of people," said Edwards, as he nursed a cigarette and a beer swathed in a brown paper bag. "But this has brought me and my friends a lot of hope. I can't express in words how much hope it's brought us."

Edwards, who says his descent into homelessness began when he "turned his back on God" after the deaths of his mother and grandmother, says he is finally ready to begin detox and find the road back to normalcy. Not just for himself, but for others living on the street.

On Monday, in preparation for his trip to Seattle and his entry into rehab at Sunray, Edwards plans to shave his beard and trim his hair — a symbolic nod to the start of a new life.

It will be broadcast live on the Web site.

and

PimpThisBum.com employs irony on homeless man's behalf

By Tracy Sabo
CNN Senior Producer




HOUSTON, Texas (CNN) -- When Sean Dolan saw signs being carried by homeless people, he saw an opportunity.


Timothy Edwards was homeless for years in Houston, Texas, until he started carrying "Pimp This Bum" signs.

1 of 2 He and his father wanted to drive people to a Web site, so they created PimpThisBum.com as a marketing tool and gave a homeless man a sign with the Web site's address to hold while panhandling in Houston.

Their idea worked.

Visitors seeing the sign flocked to the site and in less than two months Dolan received $50,000 in donations and pledges through the site for the man, including a five-week alcohol treatment program donated by Sunray Treatment and Recovery based near Seattle, Washington. Watch how 'Pimp this bum' saved man »

"We knew that the same campaign with a sincere appeal and a Web site like helpthehomeless.com would be ignored," he said. "We knew that if we insulted people's sensitivity or appealed to their humor ­ on a subject as sensitive as this we would get their attention."

Kevin Dolan, with more than two decades of marketing and sales experience and his son, Sean, a Web-savvy college student with a small video camera and a passion for volunteer work, got the site off the ground with the help of Timothy Dale Edwards. He has been homeless and living under a busy Houston overpass for more than four years.

The Dolans' offer to Timothy Edwards would be a hard one for any homeless person to refuse: $100 cash per day guaranteed, perhaps even more if the campaign was successful. All Edwards had to do was carry a homemade sign advertising "www.PimpThisBum.com" while he panhandled each day.

For Edwards and his friends it was effortless -- they already carried signs reading, "Homeless, Please help" or "Hungry, Need a days work." Watch Edwards describe "I went through detox" »

And the Dolans promised monetary donations that came into the Web site would go straight to Edwards.
Those who visit can help Edwards directly by donating specific items to him: a cup of coffee, a ham sandwich, a razor, a newspaper subscription or even laser hair removal, karate lessons or a college education.

Edwards welcomes the task and insists he is not being exploited. For him, the donations are a welcome change in his life.

For years drugs and alcohol were his coping mechanisms, he says. He was told his father left the family when he was only 2 years old, and he says he's always felt no one ever cared about him.

But all that changed with the Dolans' offer.

"This is just crazy enough to work," Edwards said. "I'm drinking myself to death under a bridge. I'm watching my friends die left and right, so what have I got to lose?"

Edwards said he has spent years learning whom to trust and how to survive on the street. He's learned where it's safe to sleep and how to panhandle when intersections "are hittin'." Edwards sometimes rides the city bus just to stay warm and gathers a group of homeless friends together to rent a motel room just to be able to take a shower. He says homeless life is "boring, and ... mentally unstimulating," and he looks for ways to keep his brain "active."

"I try to read the paper. One lady came by and asked me if we needed something, so I said, 'Well, do you have a puzzle book?' Because we do crossword puzzles and Sudoku." Edwards said.

Looking back on how he got to this point is difficult.

"It's a pretty drawn-out story. I'd have to say it's probably mostly my fault. ... I made a lot of poor choices," Edwards said, his voice trailing. "I was filthy. I just didn't feel human anymore."

With this new project, Edwards' said, his life has new meaning. The name of the Web site means little to him.

The Dolans have received national attention for their first collaboration, but they also know the site's name is controversial. Edwards said he "cracked up" when Sean Dolan proposed the name for the Web site.

Not everyone thinks it's funny. Homeless advocates and other critics argue the Dolans' project serves little more purpose than exploitation.

Advocate Michael Faenva, who runs a shelter in Dallas, said, "In the end, this isn't a good strategy to address the problem of homelessness. ... It's not a strategy that's likely to bring help to very many."

Life has changed for Edwards since he began holding that sign.

His first step was to shave his beard, mustache and head. The act "was a symbolic act of change, and embracing the change and moving on to a new stage in my life," Edwards said.

His last drink was on March 10, before flying to Seattle accompanied by Sean Dolan to begin the comprehensive alcohol treatment program. He has completed the one-week "detox" program, and is now participating in five additional weeks of individual and group therapy classes.

"To everybody that thinks I am being exploited, I ask you to think again," Edwards said.

Sean Dolan is adamant: "Tim is now a friend." He describes the relationship as "one of the most meaningful friendships I've ever had."

Asked what does he say to the critics? "I tell them to donate ... and get on the Web ... just watch the outflow of support for Tim."

Edwards spends his rehab "free time" each night participating in the Web site's chat room, which is full of supportive messages like, "We love u Tim!," "Hang in there," and "Stay strong, people really do care."

Edwards has started a live nightly Webcast where he answers questions and thanks viewers for their interest and support.

"Rehab is a wonderful thing when you want it," Edwards told CNN during a Webcast. But it's also a lot of work. "The hard part is the mental and psychological stuff, rediscovering myself, so to speak, getting in touch with my heart and my head, and trying to figure out how to deal with life."

Edwards also is getting a crash course on the Internet and hopes it will help him in applying for jobs.

Edwards' newfound Internet outlet also gave him another surprise twist. One of the site's viewers happened to be a family member Edwards never knew. After being put in touch through the Web site's creators, Edwards learned that his father had not left the family as he thought, but instead had been searching for him for almost 35 years.

Edwards said he is learning more about that side of the family, and family members near Kansas City, Missouri, have become involved in looking for new opportunities and living assistance for him when he leaves Seattle.

Kevin Dolan said the project has not only opened new doors for Edwards but also for others like him. The Dolans recently started financial paperwork to create a nonprofit organization, and they hope to duplicate the "PimpThisBum.com" model in other cities. Two future "participants" have already been identified in Houston; one of them is a good friend of Edwards' named John.


On March 28, Edwards will spend his 38th birthday in rehab. He calls the Dolans' project "a blessing." He hopes to complete his treatment successfully, secure a job and find a home.

"I'm tired of laying down," he said. "I'm tired of giving up. ... This life is worth fighting for."

Needless to say, I was shocked. I hadn't searched for Tim since the beginning of the year (something about being immersed in pregnancy) and there he was, unearthed.

Seeing pictures and video of your friend like that is heartbreaking. Cath said she could barely watch it, it was so upsetting. For her it was even difficult to see the Tim we knew under all the grime and hair until you heard his voice, but for me I knew it was him right away. She was right about his voice though. Who he is shone through the rough exterior even in this most terrible of situations.

Tim is now 5 months sober, something I'm so very proud of and today marks his anniversary of homelessness. How he got there in the first place I'm not quite sure and I haven't asked yet. Somehow his wanderlust and adventure turned a wrong corner into despair and addiction. But, hopefully, he will continue to do well. I hope this anniversary isn't one to remind him of what was but help show him how far he has come. Cath and I will be celebrating with him virtually through his webcast tonight and hopefully supporting him as he had supported us in the past.

I love you Tim and I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished. You, my friend, are one of those people who are gold to those who love you.

Sebastian at Six Weeks and the Day We Went to Pixar

First things first, moving is so not cool with an infant, especially one that needs to be held all time. My mom has been a doll coming over to help but I have to stop and breastfeed Sebastian every hour and a half or so it's difficult. They've been able to spend some good time together though and for that I'm grateful.

They went for a walk using the Moby.



They read stories.



They shared lots of smiles. Sebastian seems to think Gramma is the silliest and smiles for her the most.



My mom is going to have an emotional breakdown when we leave for sure.

Unfortunately, packing is going uber slow and I'm freaked out that I only have 9 days to finish. I have so much crap, I don't know how it'll get done, nor do I know how it'll all fit in the U-haul.

Also, in other moving news, Alex is doing well on the job front. He has three interviews and four separate companies are highly interested in him and loved his resume. We also have a townhouse rental unless we find something we like better. Contracts will remain unsigned until Alex gets there.

The best part of our week happened on Tuesday when our family went to Pixar Studios. It all happened because we are huge ass nerds who loved Wall-E so much we got I heart Wall-E vanity plates.



Some dude followed Alex home one afternoon because he saw these plates. Turns out he works for Pixar and wanted to ask if he could take a picture of said plates and send it to his boss. His boss turned out to be Andrew Stanton who directed Wall-E, Finding Nemo, and A Bugs Life. He also wrote most of Pixar's films. Stanton went nuts for the license plate and, long story short, we were invited to Pixar.


The entry gates


Luxo, Jr. and the ball at the front of the main building. These are huge.

Now, I didn't take many pictures, sadly. Most areas I was not allowed to and the rest of the time I was breastfeeding Sebastian. Oh yes, even in Pixar.

For more pics than mine and of places I mention in this post check out:

Rotten Tomatoes Tours Pixar

Anyway we check in and are able to first tour the main lobby which is like an atrium. It's huge and light and airy. It was built by Steve Jobs who apparently was anal enough to have one brick wall demolished two times before it was good enough. He also had each bolt hand riveted rather than machine riveted. That's pretty nifty.

They have a cafe, a cereal bar where everything is free, a shop, and a mail room. There were various Pixar figures, lifesize and larger, around the lobby. Some employees were getting around on skateboards and these crazy mini skateboard things that were only big enough for one foot each and each with only two wheels.

We weren't able to go into the theater or screening rooms because all were occupied. As we were standing there the director of Toy Story 3 came out of one with all of his animators. That was pretty cool.

Like I said, much of the areas were closed off to us, like the head honcho's offices. We were told they used to use these garden sheds (like they sell at Orchard Supply)to store supplies but now they use them as office cubicles. At the link I posted you can see a picture of one of them.

Next we saw where some of the sound was recorded, though most is done at Lucas's Skywalker Ranch. On the wall were the signatures of people who had recorded there. Often employees get picked to be voice extras which is pretty neat. My favorite was the huge scrawl of the little boy who voiced Nemo.

Then we were able to go upstairs and check out the gallery. They always have concept art up for the current film which was UP. I felt bad saying I hadn't seen it yet but, shoot, I was busy having a baby. The concept art was crazy amazing. There were models and sculptures, and plenty of paintings and sketches. I loved the concept drawings of the scouts badges. Who wouldn't want to earn a badge for "sushi eating" and "money grubbing"? Hidden in different places were stickers of the badges that child visitors could find. They must have done the same for Ratatouille because sketches of rats were here and there in random places.



After seeing the gym, the pool, and the beach volleyball court, we headed down another hall to the "Renderfarm". This huge room was filled to the brim with lit up computer banks. I thought Alex was going to pee himself. Right at the front of the room was an original Pixar computer. Turns out they had to buy that one back on Ebay for a hell of a lot more than it was in the first place. Funny.

Throughout the building and in the offices we saw, there were tons of funny signs, jokes (a foot coming out from under one of the Renderfarm racks for example), and toys and more toys. I could not believe how many trinkets and toys there were. Some people even had couches and chandeliers in their offices. It really made for a fun and creative atmosphere.

Before we left we were given a bag of swag that Andrew Stanton left for us (He was filming in Utah). Kick ass. He gave us some Wall-E toys, notebooks, jackets, an art book printed especially for Academy members that was to persuade them to vote for Wall-E in the Academy Awards, and The Art of Wall-E book that he autographed.


Notice what he drew in Wall-E's hands

It was a pretty awesome day. I was glad Sebastian got to be a part of it even if he never will remember it. We have his Pixar visitor name tag to put into his baby book along with this picture he and I took next to Sully, who was very soft and furry.




In other Sebastian news, he's been smiling a lot more and each smile melts our hearts, making us gush and goo. We also have an approximate weight for him. I say approximate because since his next pedi appointment isn't until September 3, I had to try to get a weight at my 6 week postpartum appointment. I had them take my weight first (8lbs to go) and then take it again with me holding him. He weighs approximately 13 pounds! This figures seeing how he has grown out of his infant cloth diapers and out of his size one overnight disposables. He is fully in 0-3 clothes and who knows if some of those will last much longer.

Another highlight of our week was a fabulous Greek dinner with great friends. It was a goodbye of sorts, certainly the last time we'll be together until next August when Alicia and Ken get married. That thought made me cry. Sebastian was unhappy too bu mainly because he had been in the car most of the day driving back and forth to Santa Cruz for my appointment, driving back and forth from San Jose to go wedding dress shopping with Alicia before she heads back to Kiev, and then to the restaurant. He was a little trooper though.



Additional Sebastian cuteness of the week.


Couch nap with mama




Big smiles


Hanging out with Eve at David's Bridal right before he had a colossal blow out on Eve and the David's Bridal couch