A New Type of Birth Control?

I was reading a blog recently that centered around what pregnant women won't tell you, or what you don't know before becoming pregnant. It was pretty funny and truthful. I mean, I sure as hell had no idea about hamburger crotch or pooping on the table (I didn't do that for the record, I even asked). One would think that some of that stuff be good enough as birth control for the 16 and Pregnant set. I don't know about that. I propose we kick it up a notch and share the things you never knew about post partum, a dual layer birth control as it were.

1. Pregnancy Brain Gets Much, Much Worse

First of all I'd like to say that I planned on writing this blog post for about four months but I kept forgetting. Mommy Brain is no joke. I thought pregnancy brain was bad but it was nothing compared to the constant fog my brain resides in. Ask me what I did yesterday and you are likely to be greeted with a blank stare. I'm sure if I could actually remember anything I could tell you a funny anecdote. I could ask Alex to share one but he probably wouldn't be able to either. Mommy Brain is catching, you see.


2.Pooping Becomes a Religious Experience

And we aren't talking a good experience, we are talking about the "grip the sides of the toilet and hope for God to strike you dead" kind of religious experience. People always talk about the pooping on the table thing like it's some horrific thing and I say, forget that; the first one, two, three (even four) bowel movements are what is horrific. I swear I needed an epidural to push a teeny tiny crap past my stitches and no amount of Colace could help me.


3. Bald is the New Black

Around three months post-partum I noticed my drains starting to clog up regularly. I would wake up with my pillow, myself, and my child covered in hair. I'd have to clean out my brush weekly. Even though all signs were pointing to a hair exodus, I was in denial. It wasn't until I really examined my hairline in the mirror and saw that on either side of my temples it looked like I was actually and truly snatched bald headed. My once beautiful pregnancy hair was gone leaving me with a head reminiscent of a chemo patient. It is finally growing back in but now my head is covered with inch long wispy baby hairs. This whole hair situation makes a weave seem like not such a bad idea.


4. Are You There God? It's Me, Jennifer.

I've always been a small boobed girl. I was made fun of in junior high for being barely an A cup. It sucked. I longed for big boobs and if I could have added boobs to a Christmas or birthday list, I would have. Luckily, I grew into a small B in adulthood but I still longed for full, luscious Victoria Secret boobs. Imagine my extreme pleasure when I went to purchase a new bra during pregnancy and I had to buy a C cup. They just kept getting bigger and better. It was like winning the boob lottery. I mean seriously look at how fantastic they are in this pic!



That's all boob, no padded bra of old and taken a day short of Sebastian's one monthday. (Of course one could write another post on why I thought that would be a good outfit to wear to my son's baptism but whatevs. Thankfully I had him blocking my boobs the entire Mass)

Anyway, I could just cry looking at those fabulous things now because they are no longer. I'm still wearing my C cup bras but take the bra off and I have full on floppy National Geographic boobs. What happened?! I mean I had heard your boobs could shrink again but what the hell is this floppy boob thing? My boobs may have been small but dammit they were perky. I want those boobs back. I swear, God, I'll never be jealous of big ol' boobs again if these saggy things go away and my small perky ones return.

5. Sexy Time is no Longer Sexy

Why? It still freaking hurts. Yep 8.5 months later and I can probably count the times we've had sex on two hands, heck one and a half hands. Tears and breastfeeding do a number on the old sex drive and vagina. It's as if I had a permanent layer of sandpaper inserted after I pushed Sebastian out. Maybe that's what my midwife was doing so long down there. It doesn't help that we bedshare with a baby who is a poor sleeper. Just getting adult alone time is an act of congress. At least it is slowly getting better, but man, that was not expected.

So there you go, my five top "Things You Never Were Told About Post Pregnancy". If the prospect of pancake boobs, a dry vagina, bald patches, painful poops, and what was the other thing again? wasn't birth control for a teen (or anyone really) I don't know what else is.

We All Turn Into Our Mothers in the End

We always hear as little girls that you turn into your mother. You think as a teen that it will never happen to you but then one day, perhaps in your 30's or even earlier, you realize that yes, you have turned into your mother.

The transformation first happened with my voice. Sometimes I say things in a tone or manner that sound just like my mom. The horror! Even Alex would notice it. Then it spread to word usage. I catch myself using words my mom use and some of them are super annoying. It happens mostly when I'm talking to Sebastian. Ummm "stinky poo"? I hated that stupid phrase as a kid so why the hell am I using it with my son?

Voice and words aside the worst possible thing about turning into my mother happened and I just about wanted to die.

It happened one evening as I was picking up Sebastian's toys in the living room. I bent over in front of Alex and he says, "Your butt is starting to look like your mom's".

Instant. tears.

You see, my mom has always been a stick, like seriously 110 lbs and 5'8. While that seems like an awesome thing to some, it isn't. She has NO ASS, none. It's really tragic and even she doesn't like it much.

The sad thing is...he's right. Pre-pregnancy one of the things I really liked about my body was my bigger butt and now it's disappearing. I don't get it. How can having a baby make your nice butt go away? And it has, I checked in the mirror. My once firm butt has sagged.

So yes ladies, not only is loss of butt something they don't warn you about post pregnancy, it can be yet another example of how we all turn into our mothers in "the end".

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand, Six Hundred Minutes

"Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Moments So Dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?"

A year ago today I received this gift and it has changed my life.




I love you more than anything, Sebastian Sylvanus and I am so happy and honored to be your mommy!

"Can Haz Outside?"

Oh my goodness, sometimes I think this child is trying to pummel his way out. Since I only feel him on one side it's as if my insides are bruised. At least they feel this way. This cracks Alex up and he took great delight in telling me today, "Can haz outside?" It's amazing how sharp and pointy those little heels are because I think that's what I feel the most with an elbow jab thrown in here and there. It's also really odd feeling these body parts and being able to push on them a bit and feel them sink back into my belly, kind of like Jack drowning in Titanic. Heh.



So here I am in all my bare bellied 30 week glory. I feel huge and apparently I still look huge. Nothing like continuous comments to make a girl feel good. In fact, since I take these pics myself, I've realized that I can no longer get my big ass and belly in the same shot. I'm scared for what I'm going to look like in 10 weeks. Even Alex, who has been through two pregnancies with his ex-wife is amazed at my size. "Yeah, you're going to be huge". Thanks hun.

I also must take a moment to totally AW the most gorgeous shower invites that my fabulous friend, Megan and her husband made. Seriously, I could cry over how beautiful they are.



Ray did a kick ass job in designing these. They are some super talented people and I love them for making these so special for me. Thank you guys.

I Love Canadians

This Canadian government ad has been making the news rounds today. I love it.



Alex was loving it too. I think we've watched it about 5 times.

In baby news, I don't have gestational diabetes. Woot!

Enjoying Easter While Resembling an Easter Egg...

...is not what it's cracked up to be.

Yeah, I know, bad pun.

28 Weeks, 4 days.

I wish I looked decent. I seem to hate all pictures of myself lately.

Today my mom and I went to Mass at our old church today because it was closer to where my grandmother lives. It wasn't a good idea. We realized how much we really can't stand the whole join hands, guitar playing, untraditional Mass they have going there. We should have just driven farther and gone to our normal church which is pretty traditional and, dare I say uptight. I do love it though.

We also couldn't stand that the music director, while super enthusiastic about what she was doing and the music, was a terrible singer, singing off key and flat at most times. It was terrible. Why would you hire someone like that?

Anyway, after Mass we went to have lunch with my Grammy at her new assisted living place. Thank God it finally opened up and we were able to get her out of the "hell hole" as she calls it. The dining room doesn't seat very many people so only my mom and I went. Alex doesn't do the Easter thing anyway. It was nice to visit her for a while since I hadn't been able to for a month, though I was super tired at the end of the visit.

Apparently I look huge to everyone else, not just myself (giant easter egg anyone?)because when one of the nurses asked me when I was due she couldn't believe it. "Really!? I thought you were farther along. Do you have two in there? Are you sure?" Then she had one of the other nurses guess how far along I was. *sigh*

Two days earlier my mom and I went to BabiesRUs so I could show her the stuff I put on the registry. She couldn't find them by herself previously. At check-out the checker dude says in a super perky way, "Hope you have the baby soon!". Ummm I don't and I told him so. "Oh, well in a month then?" Not then either.

People know how to make a girl feel good.

Looks Like We Made It!

It's my "V Day"! That is viability day for those not familiar with message board speak. While part of me is so excited that Sebastian and I have reached that milestone of viability, another part of me is still worried that he will be snatched from me at a moment's notice.

I'm also scared knowing that he will be here before I know it. In fact this whole pregnancy has passed in a flash. Two weeks away from third tri, are you kidding me? We are so not ready! And the uncertainty of what will happen in the next few months has been a huge stress builder.

While Alex is working as a contractor right now, it's only temporary. Who knows where we will be in a few months. He has said he'll let me know by the end of the month whether we will stay here for a while or whether we will be moving (most likely to Canada). Either way he hasn't been terribly forthcoming about any job offers or even proactive in looking since he's doing the contract work. My boss wants to know by the end of the month if I am coming back next year and to be honest I don't think I'll have an answer for her.

If it looks like we'll stay here, we'll need to find a house to rent in May or June. Cue my panic over packing, moving, getting a house/nursery ready before Sebastian's arrival in very early July. Or if we need to move we'll stay in our crap hole apartment until after Sebastian is here and we'll have to move to another country with a newborn.

Obviously, I am hoping for choice one, mainly because I do not want to leave my family now that I have a baby on the way. The thought of leaving them breaks my heart on a daily basis but what can I do? I have to go where my husband and his job is.

I just have to keep taking it day by day. We got to V day, we can make it through the rest. Right?

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

This has been a week of milestones and has ended with some impending sadness. I'll start with the good first.

I reached 23 weeks on Wednesday. Now I know 24 weeks is viability, and believe me I'm so excited to be almost there, but I can't help but keep 23 weeks in my mind. It's hard to believe that I was born at 23 weeks and that I even made it at all seeing how it was 1972 and I was in a normal hospital with no NICU.

Pic taken at 1 month old ~ 3lbs 10oz

Anyway I know how fortunate I am that I was born as healthy as I was. I also can't imagine having Sebastian now. I keep thinking, he's not done cooking yet! It makes me put myself in my mom's shoes. How scared she must have been. She hadn't had any childbirth classes, any showers, hadn't a thing ready for me (not that that would matter much seeing how I was in an incubator in the hospital for two months). She wasn't able to hold me or even touch me for those two months.

To this day she still doesn't know why I came early, just that I did. That poor woman was in labor for 36 hours without any meds of any kind (they wouldn't give her any) to not know if I was going to make it in the end.

So keep cooking Sebastian. We don't want to meet you just yet.

A good thing that happened this week centered on the arrival of a FedEx envelope. My step-daughter was accepted into the pre med program at Guelph University in Ontario, Canada. Plus she already is going to receive a $3000.00 scholarship because her grades are so high. I think this made her year is not life. I am definitely proud of her and all of her hard work. I knew she'd get in (she didn't think she would) but I am excited it's a reality for her. Now we have to focus on getting her more scholarships.

The bad thing is the discovery of Tristan, my last little rattie, gnawing and picking at the base of his tail. Alex took him in and they gave him some cream to put on it and some antibiotics. A couple days later it was ten times worse. Poor thing was bleeding all over the place. He's taken in to the vet again and they find a fast growing tumor on his spine. This one is inoperable. It's deadened the feeling in his tail so he doesn't know he's hurting himself when he picks at his tail. He's just trying to relieve the pressure back there.

My poor baby love. We will be taking him in on Monday morning to get put to sleep. I am so sad to lose my little rattie boy. For now I just have been spending lots of time with him and giving him crap loads of treats and kisses, which he has also been giving (kisses, not treats).

I will have no more rattie fuzzibutts in the house after this. I know we will get some more someday but this isn't the time. I can hardly imagine a house without ratties.

Goodbye Waist, My Old Friend

Ahh yes, I remember it like yesterday. I must have been in sixth grade when I noticed you. I even remember where I was, the cloakroom at school. I remember remarking that I could use my newly formed waist and hips as a ledge for my arms. You never let me down, my friend. When my boobs failed to be the sort of boobs a young girl would want, you were there. When my period failed to show when everybody else's was, you were there. I could count on you to help my big ass look great and help me fit in juniors jeans for longer than I should have.

I'll miss you, waist, and I hope to see you again.

Duck, Duck, 22 Week Goose

So today I had a parent at school tell me, "It's so nice to see someone as thin as you are, waddle." Ummmm, yeah.

I know she didn't mean anything mean by it but, crap, it pissed me off. I'm waddling because my inner thighs feel like I've been riding a horse for a year and my hips feel like they are being pulled from their sockets.

Then I had another parent comment how I looked the same from the back but once I turned around, whoa! *sigh* People love to make unsolicited comments to pregnant women don't they?

Anyway, here is my 22 week belly shot.



Comparing this shot to my 20 week one I can see how my uterus has moved up. It doesn't feel like anything has moved up though. My little boy is planted firmly on top of my cervix it seems.

I Felt Him!

Despite my stupid anterior placenta, I know I felt him this morning for sure. Of course I had to lay on my back (something neither of us likes) to do it. I laid there with my hands on my belly and I felt him kick my hands. I felt him do this over a week ago when I did the same thing but I wasn't positive because, how weird is it to feel something on your hands but not your belly? Now I can just hope I feel him normally soon.

Yay, go baby.

Our Big Baby Boy

I had my real "big" ultrasound today. I say real since we cheated and went to the 3d place. I almost felt guilty saying yes when the sonographer asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I also had a hard time not refering to the baby as "he" before she told me.

Alex couldn't go so my mom went with me. She loved it although she couldn't figure out what most things were on the screen.

Turns out our baby boy is measuring quite a bit ahead. Seriously MW's office, I know you like to go by LMP but really, I'm right with my ovulation EDD. He's even measuring a week ahead of my O EDD, 21w6d! He is also 15oz.

The sonographer said everything was looking beautiful and said he is perfectly healthy looking. She even complimented his nice round head. LOL I think he's taking after daddy in that regard.

Anyway, he can cool it on the growing thing. Don't grow too fast my baby love. Mama wants to push you out med free.

So without further ado here are a pic from both Thursday's extra ultrasound and today's "big" ultrasound.

Thursday he gave us great profile shots though we missed getting a pic of him drinking some amniotic fluid. That was so stinking cute.



Today he wasn't having any of it in regards to profile pics. This made me very glad we didn't wait until today to find out what he was, especially since I didn't get any pictures of him at all during our NT scan.

These types of pics, and we have quite a few, remind me of the Terminator. Alex agrees. My mom just ooed and ahhed over them thinking they were the cutest ever. Just like a grandma. She even said he looked like a cute Jack Skellington. LOL In this pic he has both of his hands up by his face.



He was pretty active this afternoon but of course I couldn't feel him. I found out the reason why is my placenta is anterior. I'll just have to wait a bit longer before he kicks me good and hard enough so I feel something.

I do have pics of the goods but I'm not going to be the mom that flashes my son's junk on the internet. He can choose to do that later in life.

And for all those belly stalkers, here is my 20w pic (better late than never) and an actual fully clothed shot my mom took of me after a tiring day at work at 20 weeks exactly because she's good like that.

My Husband Really Loves Me

I have to brag on my husband for a moment.

At our valentine's day dinner he gave me the most awesome present. He's sending me and Megan (MayT) to Casa Madrona Hotel and Spa in Sausilito for a long spa weekend. It's some special pregnancy spa package. I can't believe he did this for me, let alone think of it in the first place. It's so unbelievably thoughtful.

Alex of course joked it was part valentine's present and part "push present" since we were cracking up over the concept a couple weeks ago. Silly man.

I Should Expect This Sort of Thing

After all, nothing has ever come easy.

I checked my phone after work to get my confirmation for my ultrasound tomorrow. Instead I got a cancellation. Apparently the ultrasound tech isn't going to be there. They also notified me that I have been rescheduled for Tuesday at 4pm. Nice.

So as a result I've been crying my fool head off for about an hour. I call Alex and I cry, I call my mom and I cry. I am so upset and disappointed. I feel like my big opportunity to meet my baby has been snatched away and all my exciting plans I had for Thursday through Sunday, shit on.

Alex is pretty mad too. He probably isn't mad enough to drive me to San Jose to go to one of those 3D/4D imaging places tomorrow since I got the afternoon off anyway. It's only $80. I'm hoping I can convince him.

And yes, I realize how ridiculous it is to be so upset after all we've been through, but shit, I am.

19 Weeks, the Pox, and Other Drama.

I know, I know, I lag when it comes to the belly pictures. I did take one last week and then never put it up out of laziness/being too busy/what have you. So before it gets too late here is my 19 week shot.



This week is going to drag, what with the big U/S looming on Thursday. That is if I can get it done.

This morning one of my students tells me that one of my girls is out due to chicken pox. I hadn't received any word from the child's mom that this was true but I did see weird welts on her leg that she was scratching Friday. They looked like bug bites, not anything how I remembered chicken pox. It kind of bothered me considering her desk is right next to my chair and computer desk.

About an hour later I really take a look at the boy who sits next to her. He too has rashes and welts on his neck and arm. I ask him to go to the office which he doesn't want to do. They immediately pull him. Chicken pox.

So now I am down two students and I start to freak.

I called my midwife and after some drama with my cell finally get ahold of her, never mind that I'm flipping out and wanting to cry. She tells me that even though I probably have childhood immunity because I had the pox in 5th grade, I should get blood drawn to make sure I'm immune and mentions off hand that I shouldn't be around pregnant women and she'll send me something. Ummmm does this mean I can't have my big ultrasound on Thursday? I didn't ask. I didn't want to press the issue.

After more drama with finding a lab with decent hours, calling Alex with info so he can take me there, cell phone going in and out, and calling the midwife back so she can fax the order, I feel a bit better. Of course I had to break down about two times more for good measure.

Next up, after school I go to get my blood drawn. They hadn't gotten the lab order. *Tears* They call the main lab and found that my midwife hadn't signed the order so I'm told they probably can't complete the blood draw. *More tears* So they send me off to the lab to talk to the lab tech there (He's who took my beta draws) and he takes pity on me. He calls and finds out they can take the draw and call my midwife's office for verification afterwards. *Even more tears*.

I get my blood drawn and then am told it probably won't be back until Friday because it has to be sent out of house. Ummm what? Hells no!

I'm surprised I didn't fall into a blubbering pregnant mess right on the floor.

Oh. my. Lord. If I get a call telling me I can't get my big U/S on Thursday I am going to flip my shit!

I could kick myself for panicking and probably making things worse when I'm probably fine.

So yeah, I need some quick lab results dust sent my way pronto and some stay away chicken pox cooties spray for extra measure.

Psychic or Not?

I have a parent of one of my students who supposedly has some sort of psychic intuition. I've heard some interesting stories of things she has said to other people/teachers that support that. She also doesn't talk about it so it's not like she's telling everyone's fortune or anything like that. Nor has she ever mentioned anything about it to me.

A couple weeks ago we had an IEP meeting for her daughter and afterwards we were talking about the baby. She asked me if I knew what it was. I said no I'd find out in a couple weeks. She blurts out, "I know". But then wouldn't tell me anything else.

On Thursday her daughter asks me if I know what the baby is yet. I tell her that no, I'll find out in a week. I asked her what she thought it was. "My mom says it's a girl".

Ah ha! We'll see if she's right.

So what do you all think? Shall we take bets?

Can you tell waiting is killing me?

Good To Know

My students are so funny sometimes.

I have one male student who asks me at least twice a week how I'm doing and how the baby is doing. It's quite endearing.

The other day I was walking the kids down to the spirit day game on the field and he and I were talking. He suddenly stops and says, "Wait so you were pregnant when we were on the boat?" (We went on a field trip on a tall ship and went sailing out in the bay). I said yes, I was. "Wow, so that was why you were eating those ginger cookies. How did you get through it?" I couldn't believe he actually paid enough attention to what I was doing and remembered it months later.

I then tell him that I was also pregnant when we went geocaching and hiked 10 1/2 miles. "Whoa. You know Ms. Jennifer, you're going to have an fit kid. You know why? You went sailing and hiking when you were pregnant and you'll go sailing and hiking after the baby is born." Then, off he goes.

So funny. So there you have it. No couch potato kid for me.

16 weeks, a Belly, and Ballroom

Four months! I can't believe I'm a month away from being halfway there.

Today I had my first full on belly rub. Our school's cleaning lady fully felt me up today at lunch. Strange thing is, I didn't feel like decking her in the face. I don't know why because usually I hate people touching me. I'm the type of person that does not like folks getting into my personal space unless I allow it/invite it.

Oddly, it was really sweet in a way. She has a very large family and it seems like she has taken me, the newly pregnant lady under her wing, maybe because she's done it so many times. She was wagging her finger at my students the other day because they left a highlighter on the floor and she was afraid that I'd trip and fall on it. She wouldn't let me hand her the plate of sandwiches (we had our monthly teacher appreciation lunch today) so she could get one and made someone else do it, and after school, when I ran to the bathroom to pee before our staff meeting she wagged her finger at me and clucked in Spanish that I shouldn't run. Now of course I find it endearing now but we'll see how I feel down the road.

Also in work related news, we had our first ballroom lesson today with the fifth graders. Some of you may be familiar with the documentary Mad Hot Ballroom



It's about a program that Pierre Dulaine, a renowned dancer and teacher (If you saw Take the Lead with Antonio Banderas, they based his character off of Pierre) started to teach children ballroom dancing through their schools. They specifically chose to work with fifth graders, though now they are branching into teaching high schoolers. These fifth graders involved in the program learn five+ dances within ten weeks.

The program originated in New York but they have started to bring it to schools nationally. My school is one of first schools in California to participate. There are only six of us in the whole state and we are all in the same county.

My kids are taking it for ten weeks during their PE period. Of course when they first heard the news they freaked out. In fact, you'd think we were asking them to cut off a limb or something. "What do you mean we won't get to have PE for ten weeks?!" "What do you mean we have to dance with boys/girls?!" Some of them even asked what would happen if they stayed home from school every Wednesday and Thursday. I told them that they wouldn't pass fifth grade if they missed that much school and would have to end up take it again the next year anyway. Some of the moms even freaked out about the classes(moms of boys, mind you)and called the Principal complaining. The principal told the moms the kids had no choice. Bwahahaha.

So today was the first lesson and I catch quite a few of the kids, dare I say it, having a fairly good time. Afterwards one of the boys says, "that was actually pretty fun". Another couple of boys were talking about the class saying, "That wasn't as bad as I thought." "You're right it wasn't that bad. It was still bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be."

Victory!

Am I Really That Big?

Today after work I met Alex downtown at the farmer's market. While I was waiting for him I ran into an older theatre friend whom I hadn't seen for a while. She had heard I was pregnant so she was ooing and awing over my bump. "When are you due?" "July 1st, I'll be 16 weeks tomorrow", I told her.

I got the look. Then I got the second look. "Really?" I had to explain that no, there was only one in there.

Am I really that big?

On aother baby note, I was home sick from work on Monday. When I came back to work today the kids were all excited thinking I had my big U/S. "What is it? What is it?" I had to explain to them that I was merely in bed, sick all day.

One of the boys then says, "That must have been nice to spend all day with your baby". LOL It was quite cute.

15 Weeks

This last week has been an interesting one. It was the first week back at work after break and thankfully my insomnia hasn't returned. Of course the exhaustion is probably just due to me having to get up at 6am every day. Blah. Work itself is a challenge. I have so little energy and actually getting there and being prepared is a drag. What the hell am I going to wear? What am I going to eat? How am I going to get through my day?

This week was also the week everybody and their brother could tell I was pregnant. There is no way to hide nor avoid the bump. The cleaning lady at work (who I doubt knew I was pregnant) pointed at her belly and then at me as I was walking down the hall shrouded in my coat, multiple parents in the car line made comments about the bump, and co-workers all brought it up. Even my students have been asking how the baby is. Of course I can't really tell them anything. It's too early for feeling any movement so I just have to trust that the little one is ok.

16 days until my next midwife appointment.