You Showed Me Yours now I'll Show You Mine

So Britt wanted to see my tat so here goes... Keep in mind the pic is not very good.

I got it as a turning 30, finally graduating college, happy divorce present to myself a little over a year ago. I had always wanted one but my ex would always pitch a fit about how it would "ruin" my body and that I couldn't get one. Yeah and drinking as much as he did wasn't ruining his *eye roll* Damn loser. Anyway...I had even designed one 10 years earlier but had never gotten it done.

The design I ended up with is very meaningful to me on different levels. I've always loved birds. They seem so free and to me this tat had a lot to do with freedom and growth. I also chose to have it done in white ink. I have Vitiligo, have since I was 8. It's a skin disease that leaves white patches on your body due to lack of melanin. I have had a hard time due to this condition and I wanted to make the choice to put white on my body my own self. It turned out beautiful. Almost like a brand..which is what many people who see it think it is. I don't know if it's possible to be in love with a tattoo but I am with mine.

I'd like to get another one cause, yes they are addicting. I'm thinking white stars on my inside wrist but due to teaching at a Catholic School that might not be a good idea.



Actually it's funny when I taught preschool most of the parents were younger than me so they had a lot of piercings and tattoos. The kids were used to seeing them and would often talk about what designs their parents had much to the chagrin of my Mormon co-teacher (she never found out I had one). I often would feel little hands touching it as I would lean over and it was visible (dang pants now-a-days).

One little girl, Emily, drew a picture one day that looks suspiciously like my tattoo...individual feathers and everything. I asked her what it was and she said it was "your bird". LOL!!!

When my mom found out by accident she freaked out, seriously cried and everything. She acted as if I was dead and said she had, had such high hopes for me...*sigh* I was 30 for god's sake!! Anyway she doesn't bring it up much anymore (denial) but she has seen it plenty I'm sure when we go shopping and are in the changing room..lol

My aunt wanted to see it and she goes, "where is it?" Seems she was expecting black line work like my cousins have. If only my mom would look at it and see how beautiful it is :)

A Certain Sort of Guilt

Yesterday, I went to Emily's 5th birthday party. She was one of my preschool students and is also going to attend JSS next year. That, I think, is going to be pretty unique, teaching a student in two stages of her life.

As always it's great to see all the kids. They always seem so thrilled to see me, "Ms. Jennifer, Ms. Jennifer you came!". They hugged me and sat with me, drug me into the bounce house (which I had never done before) and all taking turns being the one to hold my hand. Nothing makes you feel love like preschoolers I say. They are free to show you and they do it often.

Most of the parents there know that I am not coming back. Three of them are very close friends of each other and friends of mine. They in turn have told a few others. It was a topic of the day, my new employment. I had hoped the school would make a formal announcement but they hadn't so one family found out when another parent asked me when my new job started. The look on that mothers face was pure shock and panic. I hadn't meant for people to find out that way. As the party drew on it had been mentioned that Teagan was leaving "she wouldn't be challenged next year", Lyla's mom was trying to forge her birth certificate to show she was two weeks older so she could attend Kindergarten this year, "I only had her there because of you." And the two very influential university staff parents whose children were moving over from the toddler side had already pulled their children out of the school. I know it was because I wasn't going to be there.

So now I have this bit of guilt. Don't take me wrong I wouldn't have given up this opportunity of a lifetime to be at the school I always dreamed I would, but I do feel badly that I am causing people to leave the center. I couldn't have been the only good thing at the center.

I will miss my babies, miss their hugs and their little hands, their smiles and their funny jokes, miss them shouting, "look what I learned!"

Yesterday 3 year old Adara told me a joke I'd like to share:

"Ms. Jennifer wanna hear a dirty joke?"

"Uh...ok"

"A pig went into the mud" (she laughs hysterically)"That's really dirty huh?"

I Am So Going to Throw Up

So Alex is coming home and then we will head over to the center so I can turn in my resignation. I just called to see if my boss (soon to be former) was there and she was. She was so nice and happy to talk to me. She even said "Oooh I can't wait to see you" No you don't..you don't want to because I'm the doom faeire. *sigh* I don't know if I can handle this. I've never had to resign and this is going to completely blindside them. Why do I feel evil when I'm finally doing something that is GOOD for me. I would be an idiot if I didn't take this opportunity and I just hope they see that.

Please Make it Stop!

I have been running on empty lately. Physically and emotionally. The paperwork has buried me this year and the fact that my co-teacher and I, who have always gotten along, are now grating on each others nerves (at least she is on mine) isn't making things better. I know Head Start is a good program but to be honest I wish we were not in a partnership with them. They do not have the attitude of partnership nor does my co-teacher. With Head Start they believe their ways are best, do as we do. A lot of it just makes me want to puke. With my co-teacher it is the same way. Very unchanging and unwilling to compromise.

We have 27 students. Most of them are Head Start students. All but one are also State students. This means I am responsible for the paperwork for 26 student whereas she is for 19 or so. She also doesn't have to do the exact same paperwork as me, so while she does have lots to do it is not the extent I am doing mine. I also have to do mine all by myself on my own non-paid, non-benefited time.

I have been up till 3:30 am two nights in a row trying to get my paperwork done for parent conferences. This is a lot of stuff. For example we had 5 yesterday and were to have 5 today. She springs two new conferences tomorrow on our already planned two. Didn't bother consulting me, asking if it was ok or could we switch it to next week. Oh no, she has to go by her schedule forget the fact I haven't slept in days and maybe just maybe I can't get three new files done in one evening.

If I'm here next year things are going to change!!!

Thank God it's Friday...But More Work is Coming

So today was our end of the year celebration (can't call it graduation because it's developmentally inappropriate sayeth my director) and things seemed to go fairly smooth for a classroom of jumpy kids and their parents. It's funny how the kids get even spazier when their parents are around. It's much easier to get them to sit and listen when mom isn't in the room.

We had some special activities, a pinata, we sang songs, watched a slide show of the children and our year, and had a pizza party. Why are pinatas these days so damn hard to break? Seriously each kid tried two turns to break it. Finally, one of student assistants had to whack away at it before it would even come off the hanger. What happened to paper mache? Not that I was thrilled to have the kids hopped up on candy anyway. Due to 4 year old Jacobs suggestion, we changed the lyrics to "Six Little Ducks" to "Four Little Ducks" in honor of our four duckies. I also changed the song further to reflect our duckies names:

Four little ducks that I once knew,
Flip, and Shrek, and Peanut too,
But the one little duck with the feather on his back,
Quackers led the others with his quack, quack, quack.
Quack, quack, quack. Quack, quack, quack.
He led the others with his quack, quack, quack.

The song goes on but let me tell ya it was cute and the kids loved the fact we had our ducks in the song.

The powerpoint killed me...that sort of thing always does. I've kind of been in denial about the end of the year coming. Seeing all those little faces on the screen to the tune of "It's a Wonderful World" did me in. Especially the end with the big "Thank you Ms. Jennifer we love you" On the screen. I love my babies and I have some very special ones going away to kindergarten.

So I went home a little early, it was kind of a crazy, sugar filled day and I was going to take a nap but I got a call from my mom. Seems the place my grandpa in isn't very good...my grandpa's all unshaven and his hair's a mess. He can't see to use the restroom and he was yelling for someone to help him get there. My aunt is coming down and they are going back tomorrow to see him.

Then she tells me my prick of an ex husband called my grandmother to tell her he missed her and my mother. Yeah whatever, like he ever wanted to see them when we were together. Drama I tell you. I still haven't gotten that pitiful 3 am, I can't believe we're divorced call yet. I'm surprised. I got them all the time but drunk when we in the beginning stages of our divorce. I'm glad though cause I don't care to hear it.

Then my mother tells me the principal of the school she works at, my old elementary school, wants to meet with me about a job and do I have all my stuff together. Ack!!! More stress. I will have to get my emergency credential and apply with the Diocese of Monterey right quick before I blow my chances and when exactly do I have time amid teaching and parent-teacher conferences? *sigh* And here I thought my stress was relieved. It's my dream school to work at though so all I can do is my best and hope.

Two More Weeks You Say?

Time for a lunchtime rant hehe...

Inequity really bothers me, especially inequity in the workplace. I love how my co-teacher fells entitled to do whatever she wants. This includes coming in late 10 to 15 min late every day, or making up excuses so she doesn't have to go on the play yard.

What am I saying, she doesn't say anything she just doesn't go out, or she stays in the doorway. I don't like going out all the time either, especially when it is cold, like today. But the children need to run and get some energy out that they just can't inside. She'll make sure she takes her break when we are outside, saving herself 15 (or 20 depending) minutes outside and then sometimes fiddle around afterwards. Today she put all the sleeping mats out and fiddled around just so she could stay in. Interesting seeing how I put the mats out during lunch and if I was ever busy with a parent to do it you'd think her arm was broke cause she "couldn't do it". It just shows that we humans can do anything if we put our mind to it ;)

Anyway enough of that crap. Tomorrow is my assistant's last day with us for she is heading to her camp position in Maine and then heading on to a new life in D.C. I'll miss her terribly. This past year she has been an incredible support. We think very much alike and I really needed that sometimes as I was often set adrift in the sea of Head Start (Ms. Jenn will know what I mean). I never felt she was an assistant...to me she was truly a peer and I hope she felt that. The kids will also miss her, I know. I wish her all the luck and attractive, forthcoming and intelligent men she can handle.

Lose von Liebe und Dank, und können wir treffen wieder.

Work Dumpster

AAAAAAAAAccccccck!!! Nothing bothers me more than people putting words in my mouth and making me seem like a liar.

I have been working on these assessments for months now, it is the second round of them which are due at the end of the school year. My co-teacher is on a different schedule with hers since she's a Head Start teacher and I'm a State Preschool teacher. I have been struggling with mine since we are to conference with the parents together and she hadn't had any of her information together. Now it is down to the wire and we haven't met at all. Today we were to have a meeting to go over three children's files and she wasn't there.

Seems later the center director talked to her sup. and it was brought up that I had told my co-teacher that I couldn't meet or some such nonsense. No wordage resembling such a statement ever came out of my mouth. So of course to her her sup. I look like a big, huge, nasty liar. Grrrr.

When my co-teacher finally did come back to the center she wouldn't speak to me. I brought up the fact that I was disappointed we hadn't met to discuss the children. She then goes on and on about how before she had left for her lunch I had said that "I was stressed out with all my paperwork". Perhaps it's some language barrier thing but I'm sorry, saying I'm stressed out in no way shape or form means I can't meet with you. I'm direct, I'll say, "I can't meet with you today". I told her I was sorry that she took my statement to mean that we couldn't meet, that it certainly wasn't meant to be taken in that way.

I won't even get started on how she treats the aides and assistants like maids, despite the fact that she doesn't even have her AA. Sometimes I really think Head Start needs to get their head out of their ass.

Sometimes I just want to pop people one :(

At the Salt Mines

My grandmother always used to call work the "salt mines". How did that phrase come about anyway? Are there even that many salt mines around? Somehow I don't think so.

Today is a usual school day except for the fact school is about over for many of their parents. It's finals weeks and the kids are reflections of that fact. Can you say CRAZY! It's also very cold today, a huge departure from my short stint in Florida last weekend. To think I actually cursed the heat...lol. My students went for a walk today to warm up, it was that cold.

Our class ducks are just over a week old and boy are they getting big. They are uber messy as well. I barely change their newspaper and they've got all of their water dumped out and have crapped everywhere. Good thing they're adorable. Some day I'll figure out if I can upload pictures to this thing (still getting the hang of lj and all).

I'm STILL working on the class DRDP's. I am so tired of all these assessments. I'd laugh in anyone's face who thinks all Pre-K teachers do is play with playdough and sit on the floor. Oh, if that was all my job consisted of it would be pretty kush.