And the Ax Falls

Remember how worried I was yesterday regarding Alex's layoff, job search, possible moving? Yeah well, it's gotten worse. Looks like I'm getting laid off at the end of the school year. I have no words right now, just tears.

Looks Like We Made It!

It's my "V Day"! That is viability day for those not familiar with message board speak. While part of me is so excited that Sebastian and I have reached that milestone of viability, another part of me is still worried that he will be snatched from me at a moment's notice.

I'm also scared knowing that he will be here before I know it. In fact this whole pregnancy has passed in a flash. Two weeks away from third tri, are you kidding me? We are so not ready! And the uncertainty of what will happen in the next few months has been a huge stress builder.

While Alex is working as a contractor right now, it's only temporary. Who knows where we will be in a few months. He has said he'll let me know by the end of the month whether we will stay here for a while or whether we will be moving (most likely to Canada). Either way he hasn't been terribly forthcoming about any job offers or even proactive in looking since he's doing the contract work. My boss wants to know by the end of the month if I am coming back next year and to be honest I don't think I'll have an answer for her.

If it looks like we'll stay here, we'll need to find a house to rent in May or June. Cue my panic over packing, moving, getting a house/nursery ready before Sebastian's arrival in very early July. Or if we need to move we'll stay in our crap hole apartment until after Sebastian is here and we'll have to move to another country with a newborn.

Obviously, I am hoping for choice one, mainly because I do not want to leave my family now that I have a baby on the way. The thought of leaving them breaks my heart on a daily basis but what can I do? I have to go where my husband and his job is.

I just have to keep taking it day by day. We got to V day, we can make it through the rest. Right?

19 Weeks, the Pox, and Other Drama.

I know, I know, I lag when it comes to the belly pictures. I did take one last week and then never put it up out of laziness/being too busy/what have you. So before it gets too late here is my 19 week shot.



This week is going to drag, what with the big U/S looming on Thursday. That is if I can get it done.

This morning one of my students tells me that one of my girls is out due to chicken pox. I hadn't received any word from the child's mom that this was true but I did see weird welts on her leg that she was scratching Friday. They looked like bug bites, not anything how I remembered chicken pox. It kind of bothered me considering her desk is right next to my chair and computer desk.

About an hour later I really take a look at the boy who sits next to her. He too has rashes and welts on his neck and arm. I ask him to go to the office which he doesn't want to do. They immediately pull him. Chicken pox.

So now I am down two students and I start to freak.

I called my midwife and after some drama with my cell finally get ahold of her, never mind that I'm flipping out and wanting to cry. She tells me that even though I probably have childhood immunity because I had the pox in 5th grade, I should get blood drawn to make sure I'm immune and mentions off hand that I shouldn't be around pregnant women and she'll send me something. Ummmm does this mean I can't have my big ultrasound on Thursday? I didn't ask. I didn't want to press the issue.

After more drama with finding a lab with decent hours, calling Alex with info so he can take me there, cell phone going in and out, and calling the midwife back so she can fax the order, I feel a bit better. Of course I had to break down about two times more for good measure.

Next up, after school I go to get my blood drawn. They hadn't gotten the lab order. *Tears* They call the main lab and found that my midwife hadn't signed the order so I'm told they probably can't complete the blood draw. *More tears* So they send me off to the lab to talk to the lab tech there (He's who took my beta draws) and he takes pity on me. He calls and finds out they can take the draw and call my midwife's office for verification afterwards. *Even more tears*.

I get my blood drawn and then am told it probably won't be back until Friday because it has to be sent out of house. Ummm what? Hells no!

I'm surprised I didn't fall into a blubbering pregnant mess right on the floor.

Oh. my. Lord. If I get a call telling me I can't get my big U/S on Thursday I am going to flip my shit!

I could kick myself for panicking and probably making things worse when I'm probably fine.

So yeah, I need some quick lab results dust sent my way pronto and some stay away chicken pox cooties spray for extra measure.

Psychic or Not?

I have a parent of one of my students who supposedly has some sort of psychic intuition. I've heard some interesting stories of things she has said to other people/teachers that support that. She also doesn't talk about it so it's not like she's telling everyone's fortune or anything like that. Nor has she ever mentioned anything about it to me.

A couple weeks ago we had an IEP meeting for her daughter and afterwards we were talking about the baby. She asked me if I knew what it was. I said no I'd find out in a couple weeks. She blurts out, "I know". But then wouldn't tell me anything else.

On Thursday her daughter asks me if I know what the baby is yet. I tell her that no, I'll find out in a week. I asked her what she thought it was. "My mom says it's a girl".

Ah ha! We'll see if she's right.

So what do you all think? Shall we take bets?

Can you tell waiting is killing me?

Good To Know

My students are so funny sometimes.

I have one male student who asks me at least twice a week how I'm doing and how the baby is doing. It's quite endearing.

The other day I was walking the kids down to the spirit day game on the field and he and I were talking. He suddenly stops and says, "Wait so you were pregnant when we were on the boat?" (We went on a field trip on a tall ship and went sailing out in the bay). I said yes, I was. "Wow, so that was why you were eating those ginger cookies. How did you get through it?" I couldn't believe he actually paid enough attention to what I was doing and remembered it months later.

I then tell him that I was also pregnant when we went geocaching and hiked 10 1/2 miles. "Whoa. You know Ms. Jennifer, you're going to have an fit kid. You know why? You went sailing and hiking when you were pregnant and you'll go sailing and hiking after the baby is born." Then, off he goes.

So funny. So there you have it. No couch potato kid for me.

16 weeks, a Belly, and Ballroom

Four months! I can't believe I'm a month away from being halfway there.

Today I had my first full on belly rub. Our school's cleaning lady fully felt me up today at lunch. Strange thing is, I didn't feel like decking her in the face. I don't know why because usually I hate people touching me. I'm the type of person that does not like folks getting into my personal space unless I allow it/invite it.

Oddly, it was really sweet in a way. She has a very large family and it seems like she has taken me, the newly pregnant lady under her wing, maybe because she's done it so many times. She was wagging her finger at my students the other day because they left a highlighter on the floor and she was afraid that I'd trip and fall on it. She wouldn't let me hand her the plate of sandwiches (we had our monthly teacher appreciation lunch today) so she could get one and made someone else do it, and after school, when I ran to the bathroom to pee before our staff meeting she wagged her finger at me and clucked in Spanish that I shouldn't run. Now of course I find it endearing now but we'll see how I feel down the road.

Also in work related news, we had our first ballroom lesson today with the fifth graders. Some of you may be familiar with the documentary Mad Hot Ballroom



It's about a program that Pierre Dulaine, a renowned dancer and teacher (If you saw Take the Lead with Antonio Banderas, they based his character off of Pierre) started to teach children ballroom dancing through their schools. They specifically chose to work with fifth graders, though now they are branching into teaching high schoolers. These fifth graders involved in the program learn five+ dances within ten weeks.

The program originated in New York but they have started to bring it to schools nationally. My school is one of first schools in California to participate. There are only six of us in the whole state and we are all in the same county.

My kids are taking it for ten weeks during their PE period. Of course when they first heard the news they freaked out. In fact, you'd think we were asking them to cut off a limb or something. "What do you mean we won't get to have PE for ten weeks?!" "What do you mean we have to dance with boys/girls?!" Some of them even asked what would happen if they stayed home from school every Wednesday and Thursday. I told them that they wouldn't pass fifth grade if they missed that much school and would have to end up take it again the next year anyway. Some of the moms even freaked out about the classes(moms of boys, mind you)and called the Principal complaining. The principal told the moms the kids had no choice. Bwahahaha.

So today was the first lesson and I catch quite a few of the kids, dare I say it, having a fairly good time. Afterwards one of the boys says, "that was actually pretty fun". Another couple of boys were talking about the class saying, "That wasn't as bad as I thought." "You're right it wasn't that bad. It was still bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be."

Victory!

Am I Really That Big?

Today after work I met Alex downtown at the farmer's market. While I was waiting for him I ran into an older theatre friend whom I hadn't seen for a while. She had heard I was pregnant so she was ooing and awing over my bump. "When are you due?" "July 1st, I'll be 16 weeks tomorrow", I told her.

I got the look. Then I got the second look. "Really?" I had to explain that no, there was only one in there.

Am I really that big?

On aother baby note, I was home sick from work on Monday. When I came back to work today the kids were all excited thinking I had my big U/S. "What is it? What is it?" I had to explain to them that I was merely in bed, sick all day.

One of the boys then says, "That must have been nice to spend all day with your baby". LOL It was quite cute.

15 Weeks

This last week has been an interesting one. It was the first week back at work after break and thankfully my insomnia hasn't returned. Of course the exhaustion is probably just due to me having to get up at 6am every day. Blah. Work itself is a challenge. I have so little energy and actually getting there and being prepared is a drag. What the hell am I going to wear? What am I going to eat? How am I going to get through my day?

This week was also the week everybody and their brother could tell I was pregnant. There is no way to hide nor avoid the bump. The cleaning lady at work (who I doubt knew I was pregnant) pointed at her belly and then at me as I was walking down the hall shrouded in my coat, multiple parents in the car line made comments about the bump, and co-workers all brought it up. Even my students have been asking how the baby is. Of course I can't really tell them anything. It's too early for feeling any movement so I just have to trust that the little one is ok.

16 days until my next midwife appointment.

10 Weeks

I may be 10 weeks but I don't think I look it. Is this normal? Alex thinks it is hilarious and makes all sorts of jokes and comments. I think any more eating comments and I'm going to eat his face.

Really, I am not eating any more than I normally do since I've always been a big eater. Anyway, I've pretty much given up on wearing any of my normal pants without them being both unbuttoned and partially unzipped. I've bought a couple pairs of maternity pants at Old Navy so we'll see how those work.

Work has been great in regards to me being pregnant. People at school are stoked for me and some of the kids can hardly stand it. Some of my 7th grade "babies" (I taught them in 2nd grade, 5th grade, and for 6th grade religion)run and hug me every day.

It's also extra hilarious that I ended up telling them the week I am teaching sex ed. to my fifth graders. One of my students said, "It's a good thing you are teaching this class since you are pregnant". LMAO. I guess she felt I could teach myself as we go. I do love teaching this unit, however, because I get to teach about how women's cycles really work. Awesome!

Sometimes I Cry Happy Tears

One day left, just one day.

Today I had a great start of my day. One of the 6th grade girls brought me this little "book" they had made me with letters from most of the 6th graders. Some of these letters made me cry and were a reminder of why I keep this, sometimes God forsaken, job in the first place. I'd like to share some of their letters to remind all of us teachers out there why we do it.

(As a side note, I was these kids 2nd grade teacher, 5th grade teacher, and also taught them religion in 6th.)

3 Years With Mrs. Jennifer

Dear Mrs. Jennifer,
You are an awesome teacher! I will miss being in your class very much. You taught us that even when times are rough they will always turn out okay. You inspired me to follow my dream and to not let anyone stand in my way. You are the nicest, kindest person I have ever met and you are deffinetly my role model. Have a great summer!

Love, Kendra


Dear Mrs. Jennifer,
Thank you for caring and listening to me when I had a question. You are the most caring teacher I have ever had at this school. I've enjoyed beng your student.

Love, Jack.


Dear Mrs. Jennifer,
I'll miss you a lot. You were my favorite teacher. Also you were understandingly cool!

From, Dan (yo!)


Dear Mrs. Jennifer,
You have and always will be my most favorite teacher. My favorite teacher used to be the teacher that I had every year. If I was in K. it was Mrs. Todd. When I was in 1st grade we had Mrs. Flagg, but when I got to 2nd grade everything changed. You are my favorite because 1) Rubber duckies are your favorite and rubber duckies ROCK! 2)You are just awesome & cool 3) You are nice 4) You are YOU! I'll miss you over the summer! See you next year.

Love, Lizzie


Dear Mrs. Jennifer,
I loved you as my teacher. You are so nice. You are my friend. You also told us a lot of stuff.

Tyler


Dear Mrs. Jennifer,
You were the best teacher I've ever had & I can say that for a lot of reasons.

One, you are the first teacher who has ever let us use your first name after "Mrs".

Another thing, you're really easy to be around & confide in & our class discussions are really fun. Even though by the time you let us really talk there is nothing left to say :)

And...well I could go on & on but you're (just to sum it up) a really great teacher.

So that's why I put this book together. So that some day, even when we are all gone, you can remember us. But we'll always remember you. :)

I guess you caould call this instead of a yearbook, a 3 yearbook. For the three years some people have been with you.

You've taught us a lot of things over 3, 2, or 1 years. Some school education & others not & we all will really appreciate it.

Love, Kim

I can't even tell you how much I love those kids. They have always been my reminder. I can't believe that they will be 7th graders next year, almost ready to move on to the next phase of their lives.

Are You Going to Leave the House Looking Like That?

A tiara? Really? No really, seriously?

Tonight, graduation was too much. Apparently, merely looking like skanks in slutty dresses and prom hair was too boring for the 8th grade girls. Oh no, this year's class had to up the ante. This year, two girls wore tiaras. Oh yes, tiaras.



The last couple of years we've witnessed the downfall of modern feminine society (and lack of proper parenting) at our school. Parents have been actually allowing their daughters to wear some of the skimpiest dresses imaginable. Keep in mind they are 13/14 years old AND attending a Catholic school. Uh yeah.

As one of my coworkers said, "(name not included to protect the trashy) looked like a streetwalker. In fact, I think I saw someone just like her on Cops last week".

Now you might think we are too harsh and judgemental but au contraire mon frere, we are talking dresses like this:



Why on earth would mothers purchase these dresses for their daughters? Why would fathers allow their daughters to set foot out of the house looking like this? Do they just not care? Do they actually think it looks flattering or gives off a good impression? Do they just want to give in so they don't have to hear their girls whine about how everyone else gets to have a hoochie dress and have their hair in a updo complete with glitter spray and butterfly crystal clips? Why must we sexualize our girls so early?

They are freaking 8th graders! I didn't even wear that crap when I graduated from high school.

Listen up mothers of America, stop living vicariously through your daughters!

And hang up the tiaras while you are at it.

School's Out for Summer....

Hallelujah!

That is all.

Global Warming is Good for You

You've heard it here first.

Oh man, so much to talk about so little space. First off I showed my class An Inconvenient Truth a couple weeks ago. I was given permission by my principal to show it and had also received an email from the Diocese of Monterey encouraging teachers to get a free copy of AIT for their classrooms. We watched it stopping here and there to clarify and discuss things. It was like I lit a match under their 11 year old butts. They are appalled at the state of today's world and were amped up to do something about it. We spent another class period the following day discussing what we and specifically they could do. One student suggested that they write letters to politicians voicing their concern over global warming and encouraging U.S support for the Kyoto Protocal. The letters they produced were quite eloquent for kids so young and some even took it upon themselves to write personal letters to the President, Speaker Pelosi, and Al Gore in addition to the class produced letters.

Global warming has become a personal cause for many of them...all but one. Two weeks after we watched the film I received the following email from a parent...

Dear Ladies,

Alec and Adam told me they viewed Al Gore's movie as titled above. If there is anyone more biased than he about what government's role in effecting human behavior related to climate change, I, frankly, can think of none other. Certainly, there has to be better, objective sources about the impacts of human activity on climate change than a hack politician who once told his constituents he was "Pro-Live", then "adjusted" his views to conform to Democrat party orthodoxy to "Pro-Choice" when it was politically expedient. Books have been written about Al Gore's political flip-flops and hypocrisy. Is he really a valid source of objective scientific information?

Here's an inconvenient truth Al Gore fails to render: more people die of the cold than of the heat according to The Potential Impacts of Climate Variability and Change on Temperature Related Morbidity and Mortality in the United States by Michael A. McGeehan and Maria Mirabelli from he Center for Disease Control.

This is just one point that actually refutes the Chicken Little hysteria of Al Gore. In other words, Global Warming for far more people would actually be a good thing, an inconvenient truth Al Gore doesn't mention.

Read from the link below.

http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0091-6765%28200105%29109%3C185%3ATPIOCV%3E2.0.CO%3B2-8&size=LARGE

I've also attached below another study that Al Gore may actually have used as a source confirming the number of deaths due to hot weather.

Extreme heat and cold

a. Impacts

Extremes of temperature have well-known impacts

on human health. There are indications that the num-

ber of heat-related deaths in the United States have

been increasing in recent years (Changnon et al.

1996a), but heat-related death tallies are suspect (cf.

Donoghue et al. 1997). Ellis (1972) showed that the

hot summers of 1952–55 each resulted in more than

500 deaths, with > 5000 heat deaths estimated in 1963

and 6700 in 1966 (Avery 1985). More than 15 000

heat-related deaths are estimated to have occurred in

the heat waves of 1980 (U.S. Senate Special Commit-

tee on Aging 1983). Unfortunately, statistics on human deaths caused by heat can be biased by many fac-

tors and accurate numbers are usually not available

except under isolated circumstances of major heat

extremes and when special studies are conducted.

Statistics based on identification of heat as the cause

of death by a medical examiner are usually much lower

than statistics based on comparison of overall death

rates. For example, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports 1678 deaths in 1980 (Parish 1997),

based on medical examiner identification; far fewer

than the 15 000 reported in congressional hearings.

The number of deaths due to extreme cold during

the 1979–94 period varied from 267 deaths in 1992

to a high of 524 deaths in 1989, based on statistics from

the CDC. The time distribution over this brief period

does not suggest any obvious trend.



Well, well, no obvious trend.

Furthermore, there is absolutely not disagreement in the scientific community that global climate changes have occurred throughout the existence of the planet before Adam and Eve made their appearance in the Garden of Eden. Climate change has always occurred and caused behavioral changes in humans. They move.

So now you are having the kids send letters to legislators to support the Kyoto Agreement. This is stepping beyond the line of educating. This is propagating opinions that are political in nature. Why not just give the kids registration cards to send home so parents can register in the Green Party?

The Kyoto Agreement actually excuses China and India from spewing coal burning. China is building 10 coal burning plants a week I've heard. When is the last time our country built a coal burning plant?

Finally, my last reading of Catholicism is that humanity is the crown of creation. How many people dying of cold due to lack of availability of petroleum-based fuels are worth a polar bear?

If you want to educate our kids to think, why not have them view alternative viewpoints such as John Stossel from ABC http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Stossel/story?id=1739076 for a balanced view of the what climate change is all about.

Please cease and desist political advocacy and offer our children the WHOLE TRUTH they deserve!

Tom XXXXXXXX

Unlike Al Gore, who just refused to debate the issue recently (Chicken Little), I will gladly debate anyone about Al Gore's movie for Junipero Serra School and enlighten your student body about the wonders of enlightened capitalism and why it would have been terribly unwise to agree to the Kyoto prescriptions

Oh yeah there is just so much comedy gold here it's ridiculous. My principal wrote him back and read him the riot act about following protocol and such since the parent CC'd the email to the pastor and other random people. I think what pissed him off was that his older son watched it in his class a couple weeks after we did and brought up some issues at home. Why the dad mailed me and not the other teacher is beyond me. Either way he can fucking suck it because I had permission from my principal and the Catholic Church.

Friday four students brought in current events about global warming. "Blowbag's" (principal's name for him) son raised his hand and said his parents didn't like him talking about global warming and that his mom said it was "bull". Oh yeah nice talk there. He went on and on about how "my whole family is republican" and how global warming is "political". The other kids looked at him like he was a loon. They couldn't understand (and said so) how global warming was a political issue when it had to do with the sustainability of the earth. I told the student that I didn't know what to tell him except while he was free to express his opinion and feel differently, I had permission to speak of such things and was not going to stop.

As of Monday night no email from his irate parent about that. Dude needs to take a look at the Catholic Church's stance on global warming and how the Church feels that we are stewards of God's creation of earth.

From 2001: http://www.usccb.org/sdwp/international/globalclimate.htm

Or: http://www.osjspm.org/globalwarming

Sure they aren't as liberal as I like, far from it, but they aren't saying, "fuck the polar bears, humans are the best thing EVA!"

The whole situation has just filled my little liberal heart with glee. I especially love that Al Gore was just nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Bring it home baby. If only to rub it in the nose of the naysayers and polar bear haters.

In Honor...

Somehow this madness must cease. We must stop now. I speak as a child of God and brother to the suffering poor of Vietnam.
I speak for those whose land is being laid waste, whose homes are being destroyed, whose culture is being subverted. I speak
for the poor in America who are paying the double price of smashed hopes at home and death and corruption in Vietnam. I
speak as a citizen of the world, for the world as it stands aghast at the path we have taken. I speak as an American to the
leaders of my own nation. The great initiative in this war is ours. The initiative to stop it must be ours.

Martin Luther King, Jr., The Trumpet of Conscience, 1967.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies
hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction....The chain reaction
of evil--hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars--must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of
annihilation.

Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength To Love, 1963.

I Have a Dream

Today my students watched The Children's March about the black children of Montgomery Alabama who marched in order to get arrested. It was hard for some of them. A couple of the girls cried. At the end they realized just a little bit more than before how important it is for kids to be activists and to change the negatives they see around them. They are already fired up after watching An Inconvenient Truth so tomorrow we will be writting letters to our government officials (the kids idea) and hoping their voices are heard.

The Crystal- Light Cult

Yay...relaxation! I am so glad I took a personal day off today so I could sleep all I wanted before the show tonight. Sleep makes me happy.

There's a funny occurance happening in my classroom. I'm a Crystal Light drinker. Bethia and I started drinking it because neither of us likes the taste of plain water. I can hardly ever drink it, and I know I need to drink water, so Crystal Light seemed to be the answer. I drink it at school in little water bottles using the Crystal Light on the Go packs (fabulous idea by the way) and the fifth graders asked me about it. I told them it was Crystal Light and that I drink it because I can't stand the taste of plain water and I liked it because it was sugar free and I was able to drink the water I needed too.

Seems Crystal Light has become a cult in fifth grade. Half the kids now drink it. They carry their little water bottles and On the Go packs all over the place. They have conversations about which flavor is the best. They loudly proclaim that it's sugar free to who ever will listen. They have even gotten their parents hooked on it.

It cracks me up but it's scary how much influence I have on them in certain regards.

Oh and as for Crystal Light, I recommend the raspberry lemonade.

Our Town and Stuff...

Man it was a week.

Much sadness for Peter, Cliff, and their families this week. Jerry was such a neat guy. I had always wanted to work with him and we would talk about it now and then. He loved my Helen Kane impersonation and would always give me the best compliments and feedback on my performances. I know he will be missed greatly in the theatre community.

Our first week off book for Our Town. The week started off well but of course as we got closer and closer to act three I was toast. Why oh why can't I memorize like I used to? Damn plur!! LOL It's been good times though. Jason and Mark make me laugh regularly, something I'm always happy to do. (Though not on stage Mark!!! "Kiss the bitch". Heh)

Fifth grade has been very busy and amusing. Our days are over in what seems like two hours. I never seem to have enough time to finish everything I need to do with them, which sucks because it's a lot. They are however, pretty much the same as they were in second grade, just taller. My little friend in second grade continues to be my little friend in fifth grade. At least he's respectful of me. He told the after school aide that I was awesome. Current events have also proven to be an interesting weekly event. Why this past Friday we had discussions ranging from the politics of nuclear disarmament and our lovely president, the dangers of kitty litter to pregnant women, birth defects, and hermaphrodites, breast cancer and nipple piercings. Yeah you read right. I stopped that last one right away but man Fifth graders are interesting.

Catching Up

Grrr to nights where I think so much that I can't sleep..not to mention Alex is working late on a report and I can't seem to sleep anymore unless he's in the bed with me.

I haven't updated in over a months and so much has gone on. Some good, some sad, and some down right shitty.

Work has had it's ups and downs. We are going through accreditation right now. WASC is a bitch. Tons of meetings on top of meetings to write this huge document to prove we are a worthwhile school. This of course leads up to observations and such. Last year at the preschool we went through Cal State funding rigmarole and that was a treat in and of itself but it was nothing like this. Last year I sailed through it not even needing to go through a personal inquisition because the State went through all my paperwork with a fine tooth comb and found it "flawless". We received a perfect score. I'm sure this will go just as well but I'm afraid for the inquisition mainly because I am new there.

Second grade is growing on me more, though there are some days all I can think about it coming home and going to sleep as soon as I get up. We had an excellent unit on Dia de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead) at the end of October/beginning of Nov. We had an altar set up in class with pictures of loved ones who had passed along with candles, marigolds, and our decorated sugar skulls. The children were so interested in it, it was a beautiful thing. We are very fortunate in that we are a private Parochial school because we are able to cover things that many schools could not.
This mainly is the religious aspect of cultures.

On the last day of out unit we went into the Mission graveyard and had a prayer ceremony and the children were able to lay flowers on the Native American graves there. It was very moving with the children being so respectful and happy to be able to gift them with flowers. It really helped bring the idea of remembrance in death. Of course I cried when we all talked about those that had gone in our families who were special to us. The looks on the kids faces were pure shock. Some even started to tear up themselves. Seems they never saw a teacher cry before but it gave us an opportunity to talk about missing those we loved and about how anyone can cry and it's ok.

Thanksgiving went well too...at least in the classroom. There is nothing better than being able to dispel a myth and teach the truth. Luckily the resources on the 1621 Harvest Festival are growing and today's children will hopefully have teachers who refuse to teach stereotypes. Again I must seem like the militant socialist at school or something because my mother was absolutely livid with me when we had a conversation on the subject. She doesn't understand why we can't say Pilgrims or why I refuse to say Indians. She thinks the traditions should stay in place and doesn't believe me when I say ther aren't true. *sigh* Some people are so stuck in their ways.

Thanksgiving itself started out pretty lame. For some reason I turned on the parade..why? And there was this big ol' float with Judy Collins singing on it and all sorts of happy "pilgrims and indians" dancing around it. What the hell!!! The colonists never wore all black or those stupid tall hats. The Wampanoag didn't wear long flowing feather headdresses!!! Don't people realize by portraying Native Americans all the same way that it would be the same as saying and portraying all Europeans wearing the same traditional dress and speaking the same language? Grrr I could go on but I won't.

All I know is for some reason my views became comical relief to my mother and to my family at the dinner table on Thanksgiving, with my cousin's husband going, "So Jennifer I hear you have a problem with Pilgrims and Indians." Everyone laughed at the following conversation..they thought it hilarious. I ended up crying and walking out of the building. Alex was pissed, he almost had us leave. They are just ignorant, what can I do? Ok so maybe ignorant isn't the word. They just haven't had their eyes opened to the world around them and freed themselves from the American world view. There..that's nicer.

On the Alex front things are going very well. We had such a wonderful birthday weekend for him. It was just pure happiness. It was funny because he brought up a ring discussion and talked about where we might get married. That made me happy because I so often suppress any wedding thoughts or convos cause I don't want to freak him out. I've been told a ring will not be an Xmas present but maybe soon. I just know he's the one for me, he supports me, he loves me, he makes me happy. He loves my rats, he makes me steaks, and he cares for the world as I do. How lucky am I?

Some Days you Just Pray for it to be Over

This week has been parent conferences and all of them so far have gone great, the parents have been very supportive and understanding of why their child received the grade they did. They have been willing to work with my suggestions on how to work on certain subjects.

Then several parents have also mentioned my "friend" Nicholas, voiced concerns over his behavior in class from what their children tell them. One of my students even plays "Ms. Jennifer" She dresses up in her moms high heels, puts on glasses and lines up all her stuffed animals. She also has to repramand her stuffed Nicholas A LOT. How sad is that? He not only is effecting the children at school, he is also going home with them. It makes me very sad. It isn't fair that I have to devote so much time and energy to a child who could give a shit and who behaves horribly while the others stand by and wait. I am just getting so anry inside about him and it really scares me because I've never felt that way towards any child I've worked with.

Things had been getting better. He had started using the Hooked on Phonics program and with his improving reading skills he was feeling better about himself and about school. He became sort of a buddy and though he still misbehaved quite a bit, he was easier to deal with and teach. Last week things started going downhill. He wasn't listening or following directions as well. He started ignoring my requests to unpack his backpack or clean up his area around his desk. He spread his papers and books all over the floor and played constantly with his pencils and crayons. He continued his way of walking into the classroom after the bells, walking slowly like an old man, far behind the class and deliberatly holding us up. He added this behavior into the classroom whenever he needed to go back to his seat. Whining "I am!!!" When I asked him to please walk quickly back to his seat.

Last Thursday I called him back into the classroom as he was going to lunch to clean his area. Imagine books and pencils and papers and a jacket all spread out on the floor and on the desk next to him. I told him to clean it before he left for lunch. He tried to put some of it in the empty desk next to him (the buffer desk) I explained to him that he had his desk and that his things were to go into it. He whined and ignored my requests, putting the things into it anyway. I reminded him that he refused to sit in that desk before when it was his assigned desk and that now he had made his choice and had to stick with it. Basically it became a battle of the wills with me refusing to let him do anything until he put his things away in his desk and hang up his jacket. He backtalked me several times and after a warning from me, left the room.

I go to my lunch and immediatly am confronted with a gaggle of 1st grade girls who tell me Nicholas hit them with his lunchbox, that he was swinging it at them and hitting them. We are talking about five girls crying about being hit. So I write him up and the principal decides he will be suspended the next day, Halloween.

The parents are called and from what the principal told me the mother freaks out, saying that she feels we pick on her precious poopsie. Whatever. The principal wants me to write him up for disrespect for me but I didn't. Turns out somewhere in a parent meeting the principal had with his parents, that Nicholas is allowed to come to school the next day and join in on all the school fun. How that happened I don't know.

So things have just gotten worse. He argues with me all the time. He left his backpack on the ground the other day after I asked his row to unpack (I call the children by rows to unpack). So I remind him his row was called. 10 min later it's still on the floor. I tell him he needs to put his pack away. He argues with me that I hadn't told him. "Nicholas, I did" "No you didn't" Seriously argues with me even when the other kids say yes I did. Today he left his backpack on the floor for 45 min. Tomorrow if he does it again and tries to talk back to me he is going to the office. And if he refuses to go like the last time I tried to send him off, I am calling in the very big math teacher to come carry him out. I'm tired of that shit.

The whining, the picking, the arguing, the willful disobediance is driving me crazy and making me not want to go to work.

To make matters worse the parents send a note attached to his reportcard today listing all the things they want to discuss with me tomorrow. Things like:

-"Under spelling it is noted that he needs improvement with assigned lists. Based on tests it appears he does well. What improvements would you like to see?"

Hmm ok lets look at the grade book. First of all the category for improvement was "Mastery of assigned lists" He has a score of, 100, 0, 94, 100, 56, 82, 60, 94 for an average of 73...no mastery there.

-"Under conduct all boxes are checked as needs improvement. We were questioning the "respects school property" and "respects personal property"> We have not heard of any problems before."

He trashes his desk, throws his books around (which are school property), refused to put his clothes in their proper place and constantly picks all the erasers out of the classroom pencils. Not cause for a parent conference but certainly cause for a mark on his report card.

-"We noticed low score in conduct (Oh really *snark*). Previously I suggest a behavior modification program, but I have not received any feedback regarding behaviors in the class".

They were also told they needed to write up a letter with what they were doing to help Nicholas and finally turned it in. They also stated that hey were going to put him in counseling. I thought that was what the list of behaviors was for. They cancelled their appointment with the therapist and now say he doesn't need one. So why do they need a list? Besides, why ask for a list full of negative behaviors when they'll never believe it anyway. They run the gamut and cover all negative behaviors...seriously he does them all except for like setting fire to things. I have discussed things he does in class with them in meetings and in notes and they always say he never does anything like that at home.

-"We are flustrated (huh?)with communication since school started we have only received about 2-3 notes. In order for us to help we need more communications."

I have four notes, two conferences, and four notices of concern (ie. referrals). Perhaps she is referring to the stalker like activity of her two calls to me at my HOME one night and then once the next morning before I went to work. I don't take business calls at home and I didn't answer the phone.

Anyway it goes on and on and I am hoping it goes well tomorrow. The V. Principal is going to be sitting in on the meeting, supporting me. I am soooo angry and soo tired of the whole situation I just want to run away. I'm tired of the blame on both the parent's and child's part. For christ sakes he blames everything on me or his classmates. "My stomach is mad at you!" "Why?" "Because it's hungry." Yeah all my fault.

If you are a praying sort please offer up something for me. I could use all the help and good thoughts, spells, incantations whatever, I can get. I feel so negative and so worn down from this situation.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg

Total frustration...

I should be working on lesson plans right now but I am upset by a "meeting" my principal and I had. Seems she thinks I am too dependant on my mother...that we have lunch together already so I shouldn't need to sit next to her at meetings. ??? Didn't realize there was anything wrong with sitting next to a certain person at a meeting.

She insinuated that I needed to be more social with everyone else which is a bunch of hooey. Anyone who really knows me knows I talk to everyone. I told her that I didn't sit next to my mother to talk because I was under the impression that we were having a meeting not a social gathering. Anyway long story short she made me cry and I really get po'd when people make me cry.

She ended up saying she was sorry that she offended me. Seems she was a bit jealous as she thought I was confiding my woes with my mother and not with her. *eye roll* Whatever. I don't tell people that crap...well except for my journal right ;)

It's almost Wednesday

Just wanted to show everyone a picture I took today.



We may look sweet, we may look cute...but ooooooohhhhhh.



I had another observation today. The day wasn't working in my favor. Coach was on leave today so we had no PE my prep time for my science lesson and the lesson in which I was to be observed and graded. So there goes the prep time. I was amazed however because for an hour and a half straight they we silent as can be...perfectly well behaved and calm..working hard on handwriting and then art projects. I was shocked. Then Rey came in for science and it was a whole different story. My computer and projector set up didn't work and they started spazzing out towards the end. *sigh* Hands on science became let's toss the rock around. I had to really raise my voice.

Rey strangely loved that...okay....you wouldn't think they would want you to "yell" at your students but whatever. I got a glowing review. Another shocker but hey I'm just glad this bout is over until next month.

I also collected about 7 or 8 cards and pictures today. for some reason the kids were being loves and handing me pictures and poems left and right. It made me feel good because after visiting my former school last Monday I was missing my babies real bad along with all the love they share. A teacher needs to feel appreciated and loved you know?