"Can Haz Outside?"

Oh my goodness, sometimes I think this child is trying to pummel his way out. Since I only feel him on one side it's as if my insides are bruised. At least they feel this way. This cracks Alex up and he took great delight in telling me today, "Can haz outside?" It's amazing how sharp and pointy those little heels are because I think that's what I feel the most with an elbow jab thrown in here and there. It's also really odd feeling these body parts and being able to push on them a bit and feel them sink back into my belly, kind of like Jack drowning in Titanic. Heh.



So here I am in all my bare bellied 30 week glory. I feel huge and apparently I still look huge. Nothing like continuous comments to make a girl feel good. In fact, since I take these pics myself, I've realized that I can no longer get my big ass and belly in the same shot. I'm scared for what I'm going to look like in 10 weeks. Even Alex, who has been through two pregnancies with his ex-wife is amazed at my size. "Yeah, you're going to be huge". Thanks hun.

I also must take a moment to totally AW the most gorgeous shower invites that my fabulous friend, Megan and her husband made. Seriously, I could cry over how beautiful they are.



Ray did a kick ass job in designing these. They are some super talented people and I love them for making these so special for me. Thank you guys.

Looks Like We Made It!

It's my "V Day"! That is viability day for those not familiar with message board speak. While part of me is so excited that Sebastian and I have reached that milestone of viability, another part of me is still worried that he will be snatched from me at a moment's notice.

I'm also scared knowing that he will be here before I know it. In fact this whole pregnancy has passed in a flash. Two weeks away from third tri, are you kidding me? We are so not ready! And the uncertainty of what will happen in the next few months has been a huge stress builder.

While Alex is working as a contractor right now, it's only temporary. Who knows where we will be in a few months. He has said he'll let me know by the end of the month whether we will stay here for a while or whether we will be moving (most likely to Canada). Either way he hasn't been terribly forthcoming about any job offers or even proactive in looking since he's doing the contract work. My boss wants to know by the end of the month if I am coming back next year and to be honest I don't think I'll have an answer for her.

If it looks like we'll stay here, we'll need to find a house to rent in May or June. Cue my panic over packing, moving, getting a house/nursery ready before Sebastian's arrival in very early July. Or if we need to move we'll stay in our crap hole apartment until after Sebastian is here and we'll have to move to another country with a newborn.

Obviously, I am hoping for choice one, mainly because I do not want to leave my family now that I have a baby on the way. The thought of leaving them breaks my heart on a daily basis but what can I do? I have to go where my husband and his job is.

I just have to keep taking it day by day. We got to V day, we can make it through the rest. Right?

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

This has been a week of milestones and has ended with some impending sadness. I'll start with the good first.

I reached 23 weeks on Wednesday. Now I know 24 weeks is viability, and believe me I'm so excited to be almost there, but I can't help but keep 23 weeks in my mind. It's hard to believe that I was born at 23 weeks and that I even made it at all seeing how it was 1972 and I was in a normal hospital with no NICU.

Pic taken at 1 month old ~ 3lbs 10oz

Anyway I know how fortunate I am that I was born as healthy as I was. I also can't imagine having Sebastian now. I keep thinking, he's not done cooking yet! It makes me put myself in my mom's shoes. How scared she must have been. She hadn't had any childbirth classes, any showers, hadn't a thing ready for me (not that that would matter much seeing how I was in an incubator in the hospital for two months). She wasn't able to hold me or even touch me for those two months.

To this day she still doesn't know why I came early, just that I did. That poor woman was in labor for 36 hours without any meds of any kind (they wouldn't give her any) to not know if I was going to make it in the end.

So keep cooking Sebastian. We don't want to meet you just yet.

A good thing that happened this week centered on the arrival of a FedEx envelope. My step-daughter was accepted into the pre med program at Guelph University in Ontario, Canada. Plus she already is going to receive a $3000.00 scholarship because her grades are so high. I think this made her year is not life. I am definitely proud of her and all of her hard work. I knew she'd get in (she didn't think she would) but I am excited it's a reality for her. Now we have to focus on getting her more scholarships.

The bad thing is the discovery of Tristan, my last little rattie, gnawing and picking at the base of his tail. Alex took him in and they gave him some cream to put on it and some antibiotics. A couple days later it was ten times worse. Poor thing was bleeding all over the place. He's taken in to the vet again and they find a fast growing tumor on his spine. This one is inoperable. It's deadened the feeling in his tail so he doesn't know he's hurting himself when he picks at his tail. He's just trying to relieve the pressure back there.

My poor baby love. We will be taking him in on Monday morning to get put to sleep. I am so sad to lose my little rattie boy. For now I just have been spending lots of time with him and giving him crap loads of treats and kisses, which he has also been giving (kisses, not treats).

I will have no more rattie fuzzibutts in the house after this. I know we will get some more someday but this isn't the time. I can hardly imagine a house without ratties.

Book Love

I was bad yesterday. I went to Kohls to get a couple pair of maternity pants that wouldn't cause me to kill someone and I ended up drifting to the next section and buying Sebastian some super cute clothes. *sigh*. At least it was on sale so I wasn't that bad. Ah the lure of "half off".


Later after we took my mom to her birthday dinner we stopped at Borders. Bethia pointed out the most amazing baby books. Before I show them to you can I just say how happy that made me that she actually saw something baby related and thought of me and her baby brother to be? It's a big leap to say the least.


Anyway, I bought two of them, Baby Animals and One Tree. I hope they will have more of these out soon.

They are board books that are written intelligently and focus on eco themes. Baby Animals centers around animals that are endangered or threatened. Kids search for them on the pages while learning about them. At the end of the book they have tips on what to do to save these animals.

One Tree is all about trees and the animals/insects that live in them. At the back of this one there are tips on how to save the trees and information on how trees help us.

Both books have super cute art and are printed on 98% recycled materials with soy based inks. Yeah, nifty.

Duck, Duck, 22 Week Goose

So today I had a parent at school tell me, "It's so nice to see someone as thin as you are, waddle." Ummmm, yeah.

I know she didn't mean anything mean by it but, crap, it pissed me off. I'm waddling because my inner thighs feel like I've been riding a horse for a year and my hips feel like they are being pulled from their sockets.

Then I had another parent comment how I looked the same from the back but once I turned around, whoa! *sigh* People love to make unsolicited comments to pregnant women don't they?

Anyway, here is my 22 week belly shot.



Comparing this shot to my 20 week one I can see how my uterus has moved up. It doesn't feel like anything has moved up though. My little boy is planted firmly on top of my cervix it seems.

What's in a Name?

Alex and I are in the process of nailing down a name. It's not the easiest thing. We had narrowed it down to:

Sébastien Sylvan Wiepke K....
Sébastien Wiepke Sylvan K....
Sebastian Sylvan Wiepke K....
Sebastian Wiepke Sylvan K....

We are wavering between the French spelling and pronunciation and the English. We have been leaning toward the French, but I realize that people may use the other pronunciation anyway.

Sylvanus is my deceased grandfather "Pompy's", middle name. He was the most important man in my life growing up and was so very special to me.

Wiepke is my deceased FIL's name. He was Dutch so that's why the different name.

Out of those we are closing in on using Sébastien Sylvan Wiepke K. Though, Alex is also really getting into the idea of using Sylvanus. So then we have Sébastien Sylvanus Wiepke K.

Arg! Either way, I expect certain members of my family to be rolling their eyes at our choice.

I Felt Him!

Despite my stupid anterior placenta, I know I felt him this morning for sure. Of course I had to lay on my back (something neither of us likes) to do it. I laid there with my hands on my belly and I felt him kick my hands. I felt him do this over a week ago when I did the same thing but I wasn't positive because, how weird is it to feel something on your hands but not your belly? Now I can just hope I feel him normally soon.

Yay, go baby.

Excited for the Future

Last night I was thinking about all the things I can't wait to do with this little boy and decided to make a list. I like lists, what can I say?

- Go to the library every week for a mommy and me reading time.

I love reading and especially loved reading as a kid. I'd go to the library every week, sometimes twice, and would check out tons of books to enjoy. I can't wait to share that with my child.

- Take him to Disneyland

Yeah, this one is going to have to wait awhile which is sad but I do love that place.

- Take him to two of my most favorite places on Earth, Maui and London. Really just travel in general.

I love, love, love to travel and think it is so important for children to go out and see the world. I've always planned on traveling with my child.

- Teach him things.

Literally teach him. As a teacher I've always been so excited at the prospect of being my child's first teacher. Hell, I'd even consider homeschooling. Educational/teacher supply stores practically give me the fits with how many wonderful things there are in them. I can't wait to stock up.

- Take him to art museums and science museums.

I love fine art and think there is no reason kids can't get into it too. We have some kick ass science museums in the Bay Area for when he is older. I loved going to them as a kid and look forward to exploring these with him in the future.

- Go to the symphony.

I had season tickets for a few years as a kid and loved going. DH was also a classical music fan as a kid. I hope we can pass on that trait to our boy.

- Teach him about tolerance, social activism, community involvement, and how to be a global citizen.

What is there to say about this? Yeah, I'd love to do all these things as they are really important to me.

There's many more but these are just some of the most prominent things I'd love to do and can't wait to do.

Our Big Baby Boy

I had my real "big" ultrasound today. I say real since we cheated and went to the 3d place. I almost felt guilty saying yes when the sonographer asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I also had a hard time not refering to the baby as "he" before she told me.

Alex couldn't go so my mom went with me. She loved it although she couldn't figure out what most things were on the screen.

Turns out our baby boy is measuring quite a bit ahead. Seriously MW's office, I know you like to go by LMP but really, I'm right with my ovulation EDD. He's even measuring a week ahead of my O EDD, 21w6d! He is also 15oz.

The sonographer said everything was looking beautiful and said he is perfectly healthy looking. She even complimented his nice round head. LOL I think he's taking after daddy in that regard.

Anyway, he can cool it on the growing thing. Don't grow too fast my baby love. Mama wants to push you out med free.

So without further ado here are a pic from both Thursday's extra ultrasound and today's "big" ultrasound.

Thursday he gave us great profile shots though we missed getting a pic of him drinking some amniotic fluid. That was so stinking cute.



Today he wasn't having any of it in regards to profile pics. This made me very glad we didn't wait until today to find out what he was, especially since I didn't get any pictures of him at all during our NT scan.

These types of pics, and we have quite a few, remind me of the Terminator. Alex agrees. My mom just ooed and ahhed over them thinking they were the cutest ever. Just like a grandma. She even said he looked like a cute Jack Skellington. LOL In this pic he has both of his hands up by his face.



He was pretty active this afternoon but of course I couldn't feel him. I found out the reason why is my placenta is anterior. I'll just have to wait a bit longer before he kicks me good and hard enough so I feel something.

I do have pics of the goods but I'm not going to be the mom that flashes my son's junk on the internet. He can choose to do that later in life.

And for all those belly stalkers, here is my 20w pic (better late than never) and an actual fully clothed shot my mom took of me after a tiring day at work at 20 weeks exactly because she's good like that.

It's a....

I guess she isn't psychic. I'm in absolute shock. It wasn't what I was expecting at all and to be honest I am scared out of my mind. I didn't grow up around boys. For family, I had my mom and my aunt. Both of them had girls, my mom one, my aunt two. We didn't even really have many male influences around us. I'm not into boy things. I hate sports. I don't like rough and tumble behavoir at all. I like ballet and art. I like frilly things and am pretty girlie, girlie. So yeah, I'm scared.

Alex did say to me that one thing is for certain our son would always love me, his mother, and I guess this is true.

And I'll always love him. I just have to get used to it first.