She Gave Me a Gift

Something happened today that helped my heart just a little bit.

My grandmother was from Michigan. She grew up the youngest in a large family on a farm. She moved to California with my Grandfather after the war and although she loved California, she missed certain things about Michigan and the sight of snow and cardinals were a couple of them.

When I moved here she always asked me if I saw any cardinals because she loved them so, and even though they are apparently common around here, I never did. My mom said she would also ask her if I had any reported sightings.

This afternoon I took Sebastian out into the snow for the first time. I figured it would be a fitting goodbye, being out in the snow. We made a snow angel for her and then came inside.





I looked out into our backyard and asked her to watch over us and about 30 seconds later two cardinals, a male and female, flew into our yard and onto a tree outside the window. I can't help but think it was my Grammy and Pompy, together again after all these years, showing me they we indeed watching over us.

I'll Love You Forever

This morning one of my biggest supporters and undoubtedly one of the most special people in my life passed away. It was a day I was dreading and a day I didn't expect, not yet anyway.

My Grammy, Evadene Brooks, died this morning after a fit of characteristic stubbornness. She had collapsed this morning and refused to go to the hospital. She died shortly thereafter. She would have wanted it that way as she always hated being in the hospital ("their food is terrible!"). When my mom called to tell me it was if a little piece of me died.

My grandma, "Grammy" named by my older cousin, was quite the matriarch, a matriarch of a family of all women. She was always so very loving towards me but also a bit of a battle-ax when it came to others. If she she didn't like something, you'd hear about it.

A majority of my childhood was spent either at her house or with my grandparents over to ours. Dinners were always a special time except for the odd meal here or there where I or my cousins would pull the ol' food in the napkin trick. She never caught on or at least never acted like she did. We spent countless hours taking walks and going to the beach to have picnics. We played in her backyard climbing trees and I loved dancing for her. When I started teaching Sunday School and working at her church nursery we would spend every Sunday together. That's a lot of dedication to cart a sleepy teenager to church every Sunday. My mom and I even lived with her for 6 months while she recovered from knee replacement surgery. Three generations of women in one house was like a battle royal. My poor mom. It was us against her for sure.

As I got older my grandmother continued to be one of my biggest supporters and I always knew I had her unfaltering love. Life has a way of keeping you busy and even though we lived 15 min from each other, I didn't get to see her as often as I would have liked. That killed me because she noticable loved us coming over. I regret we didn't put things aside and go see her more often.

Her health had been bad for quite a few years and we always thought she may not make it too much longer. Part of me knew she wanted to stick around to see me have a child. It had been a long wait. I wear an Uncommon Thread bracelet which was given to me by a friend during my infertility struggles and she was the only person to ask me what the bracelet meant. She knew we were struggling and was beyond thrilled when told her I was pregnant. Now that I think about it, it was about a year ago.

She loved Sebastian. We would go over and visit her and she would hold him for a little while until she felt she was too shakey to continue.

Saying goodbye to her for the last time, before we moved, was terrible. She kept hugging me and telling Sebastian and me that she loved us. She also gave me a Loonie that she had saved in her desk for years (why, I don't know)and gave it to me for good luck.

The last time we saw her would have been three months tomorrow. For three months she was so far away and now I'll never get to see her on this earth again. I just have to have faith that we will be together again. All of us, my beloved Grammy and my beloved Pompy.

I love you Grammy. I am glad you are no longer hurting. I hope you are enjoying a new life with Pompy and having the best food ever. You will be so very missed for the rest of my days.

Rest in Peace, Dear Hearts

This week has just been too hard. Two loses.

I just found out Jerry Gill passed away yesterday from liver cancer. Very few people even knew he was sick. The family wanted it that way I was told. This just breaks my heart.

Jerry was really the first director who truly believed in me and gave me a chance. I didn't look the part of Honey in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf but he cast me out a whole room full of great women due to my talent. Because of that role, doors really opened to me. I will forever be grateful.

I'll never forget the "Freaky Fridays", my 2 year stint of hanging with "GillStone", and the love and support I received from him. He will truly be missed.

I also lost my sweet baby Daisy on Wednesday night. I'll write more about that later. I just can't deal with any more death at the moment.

Our Town and Stuff...

Man it was a week.

Much sadness for Peter, Cliff, and their families this week. Jerry was such a neat guy. I had always wanted to work with him and we would talk about it now and then. He loved my Helen Kane impersonation and would always give me the best compliments and feedback on my performances. I know he will be missed greatly in the theatre community.

Our first week off book for Our Town. The week started off well but of course as we got closer and closer to act three I was toast. Why oh why can't I memorize like I used to? Damn plur!! LOL It's been good times though. Jason and Mark make me laugh regularly, something I'm always happy to do. (Though not on stage Mark!!! "Kiss the bitch". Heh)

Fifth grade has been very busy and amusing. Our days are over in what seems like two hours. I never seem to have enough time to finish everything I need to do with them, which sucks because it's a lot. They are however, pretty much the same as they were in second grade, just taller. My little friend in second grade continues to be my little friend in fifth grade. At least he's respectful of me. He told the after school aide that I was awesome. Current events have also proven to be an interesting weekly event. Why this past Friday we had discussions ranging from the politics of nuclear disarmament and our lovely president, the dangers of kitty litter to pregnant women, birth defects, and hermaphrodites, breast cancer and nipple piercings. Yeah you read right. I stopped that last one right away but man Fifth graders are interesting.

I Can't Take it Anymore

My dear sweet baby Sweetpea died about 20 min ago. She was fine for most of the day, her usual happy kamakazi rattie self. When we got home from getting groceries I looked in the cage and saw her rolling around funny. Then for a couple hours she alternated hopping around with dragging her legs behind her. Then she seemed to magically get better. I had hope that she could make it til the morning to go to the vet. I kept checking on her and while I was at the cage she jumped on the door like she always did to come out. I opened it and she climbed up my arm to my shoulder. She died in my arms not 5 min later.

This hurts so bad because she was my little baby runt rattie from the beginning. I held her from the time she was born. It's like one of my own children dying.

What makes it worse was that I lost my old Zoe girl on Friday. Zoe was three so it was horribly sad yet expected. I love my rats so much but if I lose another one in any short period of time I'm going to lose it. They always come to me right before they die. I don't know why they do it.

Zoe, who was always skittish of people until the end when she wouldn't let me put her in the cage for a day. We spent some quality snuggle time in the end.

I'll add a picture of Sweetpea on July 4th when I can scan it.