"Can Haz Outside?"

Oh my goodness, sometimes I think this child is trying to pummel his way out. Since I only feel him on one side it's as if my insides are bruised. At least they feel this way. This cracks Alex up and he took great delight in telling me today, "Can haz outside?" It's amazing how sharp and pointy those little heels are because I think that's what I feel the most with an elbow jab thrown in here and there. It's also really odd feeling these body parts and being able to push on them a bit and feel them sink back into my belly, kind of like Jack drowning in Titanic. Heh.



So here I am in all my bare bellied 30 week glory. I feel huge and apparently I still look huge. Nothing like continuous comments to make a girl feel good. In fact, since I take these pics myself, I've realized that I can no longer get my big ass and belly in the same shot. I'm scared for what I'm going to look like in 10 weeks. Even Alex, who has been through two pregnancies with his ex-wife is amazed at my size. "Yeah, you're going to be huge". Thanks hun.

I also must take a moment to totally AW the most gorgeous shower invites that my fabulous friend, Megan and her husband made. Seriously, I could cry over how beautiful they are.



Ray did a kick ass job in designing these. They are some super talented people and I love them for making these so special for me. Thank you guys.

Happy Freaking Earth Day

Disney needs to send me some Prozac for having to sit through Earth today, matter of fact so does my principal.

My whole school went to see the movie Earth today for Earth Day. What a fab idea, right? Heh...

Now I have to write a disclaimer stating that I hate animal movies. HATE them. I hate them because they are almost always depressing. This is also why I don't like watching Animal Planet. If I watch for more than an hour I am sure to be depressed.

I fully admit that I am a hypocrite. I'm not a vegetarian. I would be if I had to kill the animal myself, but since I don't I'll eat it, therefore I'm a hypocrite.

So there we are sitting in the theater and I know it's going to be bad. It's a nature movie so it's bound to be depressing. It's a Disney movie as well so you know someone is going to die. Yeah, Disney/nature combo equals a bad combination. The cinematography was fantastic but the storyline stunk.

*Here be spoilers...seriously if you want to be "surprised" don't read this*

I don't need to hear about or see multiple animals die. I know what happens in the wild. I don't need to see an elephant (I freaking love elephants) be gang killed and I don't need to hear about how a poor baby elephant they filmed wandering through Africa, was separated from his herd and momma, was going to die because he was following her trail the opposite way. I also really, really didn't need to follow the story of the father polar bear who fails to find food. Then after swimming hopelessly for two days tries again and again to weakly attack some walruses. After showing this they show said starving polar bear (which they remind you of again and again)practically dragging himself along the shore until he lies down to die.

You are freaking mother f'ers Disney! Here you market this movie as some happy sappy movie following three families (seriously the cute ducky part is like five minutes long if that). Where was the damn happiness, I'd like to know?

Happy freaking Earth Day. Prozac for all.

Ps. Sebastian wasn't liking it either. He was kicking like crazy through the whole thing.

Oh Hospital, How Do I Love Thee. Let me Count the Ways.

Alex and I had our hospital tour last night. We really have two hospitals we can choose from so we decided to check out the one that seemed the more modern one first. We have a friend who just delivered there and could do nothing but rave about it.

Oh my goodness do I love it. Shall I list the ways?

-They are a "baby friendly" hospital. They advocate for breast feeding and have a lactation center and large staff to help you. They do not give bottles or pacifiers.

-They are natural birth friendly with tubs in 4 of the rooms and a tub in a separate tub room if you don't get a tub room. They also have birthing balls and a stool.

-They delay cord cutting on principal and encourage skin to skin contact 1-2hrs after birth. They won't take the baby from you or weigh/measure him or her until that time is up.

-The baby rooms with you 24hrs a day. If, on the off chance, the baby needs to leave the room, you may go too.

-24 hr room service. No kidding! You get hungry at 3am, they'll make it for you. They'll even make food for your husband/coaches and you get to choose from a huge menu.

-They want you to stay for at least two nights in order to make sure the baby is ok and you have established a good start at breastfeeding.

-Before you leave they treat you and your husband to a champagne dinner (sparkling cider if you ask for it). We saw one of these being wheeled past last night on a fancy table and everything.

-They won't make your child get the HepB. They also will delay the Vit K. shot and the eye goop for two hours (if we choose to get it and not waive it).

-They have fridges in each room, something that is important to me since my husband is a diabetic and needs his meds refrigerated.

I'm probably forgetting something but man, do I like this place. I registered last night and now we just keep on waiting.

I Love Canadians

This Canadian government ad has been making the news rounds today. I love it.



Alex was loving it too. I think we've watched it about 5 times.

In baby news, I don't have gestational diabetes. Woot!

Enjoying Easter While Resembling an Easter Egg...

...is not what it's cracked up to be.

Yeah, I know, bad pun.

28 Weeks, 4 days.

I wish I looked decent. I seem to hate all pictures of myself lately.

Today my mom and I went to Mass at our old church today because it was closer to where my grandmother lives. It wasn't a good idea. We realized how much we really can't stand the whole join hands, guitar playing, untraditional Mass they have going there. We should have just driven farther and gone to our normal church which is pretty traditional and, dare I say uptight. I do love it though.

We also couldn't stand that the music director, while super enthusiastic about what she was doing and the music, was a terrible singer, singing off key and flat at most times. It was terrible. Why would you hire someone like that?

Anyway, after Mass we went to have lunch with my Grammy at her new assisted living place. Thank God it finally opened up and we were able to get her out of the "hell hole" as she calls it. The dining room doesn't seat very many people so only my mom and I went. Alex doesn't do the Easter thing anyway. It was nice to visit her for a while since I hadn't been able to for a month, though I was super tired at the end of the visit.

Apparently I look huge to everyone else, not just myself (giant easter egg anyone?)because when one of the nurses asked me when I was due she couldn't believe it. "Really!? I thought you were farther along. Do you have two in there? Are you sure?" Then she had one of the other nurses guess how far along I was. *sigh*

Two days earlier my mom and I went to BabiesRUs so I could show her the stuff I put on the registry. She couldn't find them by herself previously. At check-out the checker dude says in a super perky way, "Hope you have the baby soon!". Ummm I don't and I told him so. "Oh, well in a month then?" Not then either.

People know how to make a girl feel good.

Blog Potpourri

I've been remiss at updating. So much has been going on that even the idea of updating tired me out, but here goes.

Spa Trip

Megan and I had our spa trip that Alex bought for me a couple weeks ago. It was pretty damn awesome despite the rain and cold of Sausalito. The first day there we had foot and hand massages and the second day we had full body massages. Because it was a pregnancy package they had special foam things so I could lay face down without laying on my belly. That was kind of weird but the massage was great. We also were given meals which was nice.

We found this super fun store that had kick ass goodies. We saw this gum that would be perfect for all our 606 girls.

All that was missing was tuna flavored mermaid gum.

The next day we wandered about Haight-Ashbury before heading home. All in all it was a great get-away and I was glad to share it with May.

Ratties

Sadly, we had to make the decision to put Tristan to sleep the following Saturday. He was with us for an extra week longer than we thought we'd have. The night before I was to bring him in, he was playing, eating, and being completely lovable. It was if he was normal despite having a growing tumor on his spine.



Each day we'd spend tons of time with him, playing among the sheets and comforter (his favorite place to play). Sometimes he'd drag one of his hind legs around, sometimes he wouldn't. He didn't seem to mind and continued cuddling with us and bruxing every time we'd talk to him.



However, the sore on his tail just kept looking worse, even with constant medicating, and soon he drug his leg all the time.


My poor, sweet boy. I hated having to make that decision and signing that paper. Most of my rats have passed at home as I've held them and that has been strangely comforting, knowing that they went when it was their time and knowing I was with them. I just couldn't go in the back with Tristan though. I just can't see it being done to them. It breaks my heart.


So now I have a rat free home and it kills me. I've had rats for the past seven years and my house seems empty without them. I keep expecting to look at the empty cage and see an excited fuzzbutt looking back at me hoping I had a treat or waiting for me to take them out and give them scritches. It's just not right and I have a hole in my heart.


I can't get any new babies right now, though. I couldn't put them through a likely move and a new baby. So, I'll just have to wait.



Work



Grrr. I'm still bitter and pissed over the whole thing. It doesn't help my attitude in the least especially when I'm so freaking exhausted all the time. Good thing I have a great group of kids this year.


Friends


My friend Ed came into town for an uber brief visit. He's lived in NYC for years and the last time I saw him was at my 5 year vow renewal for my first marriage (yeah, that was me trying to save the disaster). Alex finally got to meet the famous "Eddie" on St Patrick's Day when we met up, at all places, a Mexican restaurant. We were even "entertained" by a 8 piece bagpipe group. Ed even got to feel Sebastian kick him, though I think it creeped him out a bit.


Anyway it was great to see Ed, albeit brief. He seemed to be doing great and looked the best I'd seen him.

Ed looking nice, me looking like crap.

Pregnancy

I have been asked for belly pics so here is the latest at 26 weeks, a week ago. I stopped doing the every week thing because I've just gotten too tired and lazy to deal with taking them. This pic really does my belly no justice. What you can't see is, instead of continuing to go out (which I have a little) I have widened significantly. Baby boy is making me expand in all directions.

At my 25w midwife appointment I was told that by the next time she saw me I'd be doubled in size. Holy crap! Sebastian is measuring big, now she says I'm measuring big. I'm only 27 weeks and I already feel like a moose. All those maternity clothes with the "Purchase your pre-pregnancy size" labels are liars! My size smalls don't fit anymore. My size mediums barely fit. I'm heading into large territory (I'm already wearing some) and it's not just the boobs. I can't wait for school to be out so I can sit around in sweats all day.

We've also started our Bradley Method classes. Our instructor is awesome. She's giving us private lessons and is a military wife who has had two natural births. Both Alex and I are really enjoying her class and her style. It's so ironic how the class focuses so much on relaxation when that is something that is a huge hurdle for me. I have a very hard time relaxing ever so I hope that with this class and with Alex's help, I can do it.

Next up, gestational diabetes test in two weeks and our first hospital tour. We'll see what we think of Sutter. I'd also like to tour Dominican the same day but I don't know if that would be possible. Third tri and its reality is scary!

And the Ax Falls

Remember how worried I was yesterday regarding Alex's layoff, job search, possible moving? Yeah well, it's gotten worse. Looks like I'm getting laid off at the end of the school year. I have no words right now, just tears.

Looks Like We Made It!

It's my "V Day"! That is viability day for those not familiar with message board speak. While part of me is so excited that Sebastian and I have reached that milestone of viability, another part of me is still worried that he will be snatched from me at a moment's notice.

I'm also scared knowing that he will be here before I know it. In fact this whole pregnancy has passed in a flash. Two weeks away from third tri, are you kidding me? We are so not ready! And the uncertainty of what will happen in the next few months has been a huge stress builder.

While Alex is working as a contractor right now, it's only temporary. Who knows where we will be in a few months. He has said he'll let me know by the end of the month whether we will stay here for a while or whether we will be moving (most likely to Canada). Either way he hasn't been terribly forthcoming about any job offers or even proactive in looking since he's doing the contract work. My boss wants to know by the end of the month if I am coming back next year and to be honest I don't think I'll have an answer for her.

If it looks like we'll stay here, we'll need to find a house to rent in May or June. Cue my panic over packing, moving, getting a house/nursery ready before Sebastian's arrival in very early July. Or if we need to move we'll stay in our crap hole apartment until after Sebastian is here and we'll have to move to another country with a newborn.

Obviously, I am hoping for choice one, mainly because I do not want to leave my family now that I have a baby on the way. The thought of leaving them breaks my heart on a daily basis but what can I do? I have to go where my husband and his job is.

I just have to keep taking it day by day. We got to V day, we can make it through the rest. Right?

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

This has been a week of milestones and has ended with some impending sadness. I'll start with the good first.

I reached 23 weeks on Wednesday. Now I know 24 weeks is viability, and believe me I'm so excited to be almost there, but I can't help but keep 23 weeks in my mind. It's hard to believe that I was born at 23 weeks and that I even made it at all seeing how it was 1972 and I was in a normal hospital with no NICU.

Pic taken at 1 month old ~ 3lbs 10oz

Anyway I know how fortunate I am that I was born as healthy as I was. I also can't imagine having Sebastian now. I keep thinking, he's not done cooking yet! It makes me put myself in my mom's shoes. How scared she must have been. She hadn't had any childbirth classes, any showers, hadn't a thing ready for me (not that that would matter much seeing how I was in an incubator in the hospital for two months). She wasn't able to hold me or even touch me for those two months.

To this day she still doesn't know why I came early, just that I did. That poor woman was in labor for 36 hours without any meds of any kind (they wouldn't give her any) to not know if I was going to make it in the end.

So keep cooking Sebastian. We don't want to meet you just yet.

A good thing that happened this week centered on the arrival of a FedEx envelope. My step-daughter was accepted into the pre med program at Guelph University in Ontario, Canada. Plus she already is going to receive a $3000.00 scholarship because her grades are so high. I think this made her year is not life. I am definitely proud of her and all of her hard work. I knew she'd get in (she didn't think she would) but I am excited it's a reality for her. Now we have to focus on getting her more scholarships.

The bad thing is the discovery of Tristan, my last little rattie, gnawing and picking at the base of his tail. Alex took him in and they gave him some cream to put on it and some antibiotics. A couple days later it was ten times worse. Poor thing was bleeding all over the place. He's taken in to the vet again and they find a fast growing tumor on his spine. This one is inoperable. It's deadened the feeling in his tail so he doesn't know he's hurting himself when he picks at his tail. He's just trying to relieve the pressure back there.

My poor baby love. We will be taking him in on Monday morning to get put to sleep. I am so sad to lose my little rattie boy. For now I just have been spending lots of time with him and giving him crap loads of treats and kisses, which he has also been giving (kisses, not treats).

I will have no more rattie fuzzibutts in the house after this. I know we will get some more someday but this isn't the time. I can hardly imagine a house without ratties.

Goodbye Waist, My Old Friend

Ahh yes, I remember it like yesterday. I must have been in sixth grade when I noticed you. I even remember where I was, the cloakroom at school. I remember remarking that I could use my newly formed waist and hips as a ledge for my arms. You never let me down, my friend. When my boobs failed to be the sort of boobs a young girl would want, you were there. When my period failed to show when everybody else's was, you were there. I could count on you to help my big ass look great and help me fit in juniors jeans for longer than I should have.

I'll miss you, waist, and I hope to see you again.

I Think I Like This Bedding

Not that we have a nursery at the moment to even think of decorating (don't get me started on how sad that makes me) but I'm assuming we will have one in the somewhat near future depending on where we move to.

If we were having a girl I had everything set. I was going to go full steam ahead with a shabby chic theme and had tons of stuff already picked out and bookmarked on my comp. Boy stuff was always more difficult. The bedding I totally loved (still do) is a New Arrivals set and is seriously $400.00. For three pieces! It's vintage looking, 30's colors, everything I love, but way too expensive.

I like this Bananafish set. It's calming. It looks semi-vintage or at least I could accessorize with vintage stuff and it would be ok. Alex likes it too. I think we have a winner.

Now we just need a room to put it in.

Book Love

I was bad yesterday. I went to Kohls to get a couple pair of maternity pants that wouldn't cause me to kill someone and I ended up drifting to the next section and buying Sebastian some super cute clothes. *sigh*. At least it was on sale so I wasn't that bad. Ah the lure of "half off".


Later after we took my mom to her birthday dinner we stopped at Borders. Bethia pointed out the most amazing baby books. Before I show them to you can I just say how happy that made me that she actually saw something baby related and thought of me and her baby brother to be? It's a big leap to say the least.


Anyway, I bought two of them, Baby Animals and One Tree. I hope they will have more of these out soon.

They are board books that are written intelligently and focus on eco themes. Baby Animals centers around animals that are endangered or threatened. Kids search for them on the pages while learning about them. At the end of the book they have tips on what to do to save these animals.

One Tree is all about trees and the animals/insects that live in them. At the back of this one there are tips on how to save the trees and information on how trees help us.

Both books have super cute art and are printed on 98% recycled materials with soy based inks. Yeah, nifty.

Duck, Duck, 22 Week Goose

So today I had a parent at school tell me, "It's so nice to see someone as thin as you are, waddle." Ummmm, yeah.

I know she didn't mean anything mean by it but, crap, it pissed me off. I'm waddling because my inner thighs feel like I've been riding a horse for a year and my hips feel like they are being pulled from their sockets.

Then I had another parent comment how I looked the same from the back but once I turned around, whoa! *sigh* People love to make unsolicited comments to pregnant women don't they?

Anyway, here is my 22 week belly shot.



Comparing this shot to my 20 week one I can see how my uterus has moved up. It doesn't feel like anything has moved up though. My little boy is planted firmly on top of my cervix it seems.

What's in a Name?

Alex and I are in the process of nailing down a name. It's not the easiest thing. We had narrowed it down to:

Sébastien Sylvan Wiepke K....
Sébastien Wiepke Sylvan K....
Sebastian Sylvan Wiepke K....
Sebastian Wiepke Sylvan K....

We are wavering between the French spelling and pronunciation and the English. We have been leaning toward the French, but I realize that people may use the other pronunciation anyway.

Sylvanus is my deceased grandfather "Pompy's", middle name. He was the most important man in my life growing up and was so very special to me.

Wiepke is my deceased FIL's name. He was Dutch so that's why the different name.

Out of those we are closing in on using Sébastien Sylvan Wiepke K. Though, Alex is also really getting into the idea of using Sylvanus. So then we have Sébastien Sylvanus Wiepke K.

Arg! Either way, I expect certain members of my family to be rolling their eyes at our choice.

I Felt Him!

Despite my stupid anterior placenta, I know I felt him this morning for sure. Of course I had to lay on my back (something neither of us likes) to do it. I laid there with my hands on my belly and I felt him kick my hands. I felt him do this over a week ago when I did the same thing but I wasn't positive because, how weird is it to feel something on your hands but not your belly? Now I can just hope I feel him normally soon.

Yay, go baby.

Excited for the Future

Last night I was thinking about all the things I can't wait to do with this little boy and decided to make a list. I like lists, what can I say?

- Go to the library every week for a mommy and me reading time.

I love reading and especially loved reading as a kid. I'd go to the library every week, sometimes twice, and would check out tons of books to enjoy. I can't wait to share that with my child.

- Take him to Disneyland

Yeah, this one is going to have to wait awhile which is sad but I do love that place.

- Take him to two of my most favorite places on Earth, Maui and London. Really just travel in general.

I love, love, love to travel and think it is so important for children to go out and see the world. I've always planned on traveling with my child.

- Teach him things.

Literally teach him. As a teacher I've always been so excited at the prospect of being my child's first teacher. Hell, I'd even consider homeschooling. Educational/teacher supply stores practically give me the fits with how many wonderful things there are in them. I can't wait to stock up.

- Take him to art museums and science museums.

I love fine art and think there is no reason kids can't get into it too. We have some kick ass science museums in the Bay Area for when he is older. I loved going to them as a kid and look forward to exploring these with him in the future.

- Go to the symphony.

I had season tickets for a few years as a kid and loved going. DH was also a classical music fan as a kid. I hope we can pass on that trait to our boy.

- Teach him about tolerance, social activism, community involvement, and how to be a global citizen.

What is there to say about this? Yeah, I'd love to do all these things as they are really important to me.

There's many more but these are just some of the most prominent things I'd love to do and can't wait to do.

Our Big Baby Boy

I had my real "big" ultrasound today. I say real since we cheated and went to the 3d place. I almost felt guilty saying yes when the sonographer asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I also had a hard time not refering to the baby as "he" before she told me.

Alex couldn't go so my mom went with me. She loved it although she couldn't figure out what most things were on the screen.

Turns out our baby boy is measuring quite a bit ahead. Seriously MW's office, I know you like to go by LMP but really, I'm right with my ovulation EDD. He's even measuring a week ahead of my O EDD, 21w6d! He is also 15oz.

The sonographer said everything was looking beautiful and said he is perfectly healthy looking. She even complimented his nice round head. LOL I think he's taking after daddy in that regard.

Anyway, he can cool it on the growing thing. Don't grow too fast my baby love. Mama wants to push you out med free.

So without further ado here are a pic from both Thursday's extra ultrasound and today's "big" ultrasound.

Thursday he gave us great profile shots though we missed getting a pic of him drinking some amniotic fluid. That was so stinking cute.



Today he wasn't having any of it in regards to profile pics. This made me very glad we didn't wait until today to find out what he was, especially since I didn't get any pictures of him at all during our NT scan.

These types of pics, and we have quite a few, remind me of the Terminator. Alex agrees. My mom just ooed and ahhed over them thinking they were the cutest ever. Just like a grandma. She even said he looked like a cute Jack Skellington. LOL In this pic he has both of his hands up by his face.



He was pretty active this afternoon but of course I couldn't feel him. I found out the reason why is my placenta is anterior. I'll just have to wait a bit longer before he kicks me good and hard enough so I feel something.

I do have pics of the goods but I'm not going to be the mom that flashes my son's junk on the internet. He can choose to do that later in life.

And for all those belly stalkers, here is my 20w pic (better late than never) and an actual fully clothed shot my mom took of me after a tiring day at work at 20 weeks exactly because she's good like that.

My Husband Really Loves Me

I have to brag on my husband for a moment.

At our valentine's day dinner he gave me the most awesome present. He's sending me and Megan (MayT) to Casa Madrona Hotel and Spa in Sausilito for a long spa weekend. It's some special pregnancy spa package. I can't believe he did this for me, let alone think of it in the first place. It's so unbelievably thoughtful.

Alex of course joked it was part valentine's present and part "push present" since we were cracking up over the concept a couple weeks ago. Silly man.

It's a....

I guess she isn't psychic. I'm in absolute shock. It wasn't what I was expecting at all and to be honest I am scared out of my mind. I didn't grow up around boys. For family, I had my mom and my aunt. Both of them had girls, my mom one, my aunt two. We didn't even really have many male influences around us. I'm not into boy things. I hate sports. I don't like rough and tumble behavoir at all. I like ballet and art. I like frilly things and am pretty girlie, girlie. So yeah, I'm scared.

Alex did say to me that one thing is for certain our son would always love me, his mother, and I guess this is true.

And I'll always love him. I just have to get used to it first.

My Husband Loves Me

Alex is taking me to the 3D/4D ultrasound place in San Jose today. I can't believe he decided to do it and boy am I grateful. Hopefully they aren't a bunch of quacks, baby is cooporating, and we can see something. We'll just be doing a 2D gender determination.

In other news, I *think* I may be feeling the baby here and there. I was woken up in the middle of the night last night, and this time it wasn't from a terrible dream. Instead I felt weird twinges. I say think because I have been waiting to feel the flutters and bubbles popping that everyone talks about and I never get those. Instead I get twinges. So baby or not, I gues I won't know.