IF Truths

One of the lovely ladies on my home message board on the Nest posted the following letter. I love it and it is so dang true. Just for shits and giggles, the underlined ones are similar to things people have actually said to me (IF version of course).

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?
(author unknown)

1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!

2. You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!

3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.

4. I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.

5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.

6. Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.

7. So... when are *you* going to start walking?

8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!

9. But don't you *want* to walk?

10. You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.

11. You're so lucky... think of the money you save on shoes.

12. I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.

13. I hope you don't try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.

14. Look at those people hiking... doesn't that make you want to hike?

15. Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.

16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.

17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.

18. I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.

19. You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.

20. Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.

21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.

22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!

23. You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!

24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.

25. Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!

26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!

27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running...

So here's a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she's trying to get pregnant and it's taking longer than expected, DON'T tell her to just relax. Don't tell her to adopt and then surely she'll get pregnant with her own child. Don't tell her that God has a plan for her. Don't say, "At least it's fun trying!" Scheduling sex with the person you love isn't fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn't fun. Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn't work this month either is Just. Not. Fun. DO tell her that you're sorry she's going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you're glad she told you.

Do tell her that, even if you don't bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you're there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.

And DON'T feel that because she told you that it's okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever - unless she tells you that it's okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity.


Plaza Suite Review

MPC Theatre Co. delivers highly entertaining 'Plaza Suite'
Herald Correspondent
Article Last Updated: 05/15/2008 01:51:27 AM PDT

The MPC Theatre Company's brilliantly acted and directed side-splitting realization of Neil Simon's "Plaza Suite," which uses its setting to tie together three widely disparate yet highly comedic human relationships, makes for a delightful theatrical experience.
Love, marriage, honesty, maturity, sex — you name it — are all familiar themes present in a script which is highly entertaining.

Director De Bono had a sterling cast to work with. The sheer professionalism of his actors shone through at all times, no matter what situation they had to bring to life, and their wit and humor twinkled and brought out the available material to excellent effect.

Actually, "Plaza Suite" consists of three one-act plays which are complete entities, but which occupy the same space.

Room 719 as such, is only important in the opening act. Teresa Del Piero has reserved it in order to spend the night where she and her husband spent their honeymoon. However, 23 years later, the bloom of their marriage has disappeared.

Del Piero's role is written so that she apparently lives in a state of confusion as to dates, ages and numbers in general.

She has to overcome the perversities of the role the author has created in order to evoke sympathy for herself.

She is a very polished actress who inhabits a difficult and sometimes frustrating part and does it with charm and an underlying strength.

As the no-longer-loving husband, James Brady ably projects self-centered vanity and selfishness as he demonstrates his withdrawal from his marriage.

Room 719 means nothing to him since he has found another romantic interest and coldly acts accordingly.

In Act 2, Brady is cast as a successful Hollywood director in New York on business and who looks up his high school sweetheart of 17 years ago, hoping for a little afternoon dalliance. He neatly plays down and restrains his wolfishness, but his egotism comes through.

When Jennifer Muniz, married and the mother of three, arrives, she is apparently unsophisticated and shows an almost childish awareness of his stature and success. She reads all the fan magazines and knows every detail of his activities.

Brady is a smooth seducer and Muniz is an amusingly tipsy and willing victim. Together they go through all the motions leading to a final stage blackout in the bedroom.

But then comes Act 3, where the author goes all out in a splendidly human and unbridled, hilarious climax to the occupancy of room 719.

Even though the humor was prominent in the first two acts, here it is nonstop and borders on slapstick comedy.

The parents of a bride who has gotten cold feet just minutes before her very elaborate and expensive wedding and locked herself in the bathroom, are magnificently personified by Denise Guarnery and Gary Bolen.

They totally engage attention as they colorfully and humanly vent their frustrations and anger at the moment of truth.

Guarnery, as the mother who tries to be sweet and sensible while trying to convince the bride to come out, and Bolen, vacillating between the heavy father counting costs and then physically to reach the recalcitant bride, are marvels of pitch-perfect timing and their physical activity is totally hilarious.

Actually, this act alone would be worth the price of a ticket, but there is much to commend in the first two acts of what turns out to be a somewhat uneven vehicle.

Laugh-provoking one-liners are present throughout each act and point out with typical Simon humor the human elements of each story.

The supporting cast is as polished and professional as the major players.

Taylor Thorngate appears as a manhunting secretary and again as the reluctant bride. Brady Shilstone is an understanding bell hop and later is the masterful bridegroom. Jeromy Rutter is a sympathetic waiter. All do very well.

Nicole Bryant Stephens' design for Room 719 is handsome and the view of lit up skyscrapers is a clever and impressive detail.

Gloria Mattos Hughes' costumes are very appropriate, particularly in the third act. The bride is beautiful.

So, take a trip to the Plaza Hotel, Suite 719 and relax, laugh and enjoy the show. GO!