Sebastian at Four Weeks

Another week has passed. Oh how the time has flown.

We had a social week. My wonderful friend Alicia is in town for a few weeks. She has been teaching in Kiev, oh so far away. The last time I saw her was last Christmas. That trip I was pregnant. This trip Sebastian is an outside baby and she is engaged. We spent a couple days shopping and hanging out. Wednesday we went up to San Jose to David's Bridal so Alicia could try on dresses. Poor Sebastian started to cry in the car and it was so heartbreaking because we were on Highway 17 where you cannot pull over. I had to try and soothe him with a pacifier (no go) rather than a boob. Oh man those baby tears streaming down made me so sad.

He did great in David's and hung out in the Moby most of the time. Alicia's consultant even took a picture of him with my camera because she thought he was so cute. He was sleeping as usual.

On another note, Alicia tried on a fantastic dress. Hopefully she decides to get it because she looked absolutely gorgeous. I'd post a pic but you never know who might be reading this ;)

This week has also been a bit frustrating for all of us. Poor little guy is going through a growth spurt and has been pretty fussy. Yesterday, Sebastian was on the boob all day and crying like crazy if he wasn't. He'd root around so I'd feed him. He'd pull off and nap for five minutes and then scream because he was hungry and it would start all over again. My poor boobs could hardly take it. Growth spurt = unhappy boobs.

Alex and I tried all sorts of things, shower, gripe water, bouncing, rocking... Finally to give my boobs a break we tried Sebastian's first bottle of expressed milk. At first he didn't take it but later, when Alex tried again, he did.

I sat like an ass crying. I want him to be able to take bottles from Alex, plus it would help me when he wants to nurse 24/7, however, I didn't expect to feel so sad about it. There he was, sucking away making his sweet little cooing sounds he makes when he breastfeeds and it killed me.

Alex was crying because I was. We were a mess.

Tonight, when we were changing Sebastian after a vomitapalooza, I put one of his Lamaze rattles on his arm for the first time. Oh my goodness he loved it. He just stared and stared at it and then started shaking his arm a bit.

He also showed love to his ducky this week which we captured in some super cute pics.

Nom, Nom, Nom

We have a busy weekend coming up with grocery day on Saturday and Sebastian's baptism on Sunday. I hope his growth spurt calms and he is a calm boy for church.

Here is some other random Sebastian cuteness.

After a shower with Daddy

Fluffy butt cuteness

Snuggling with Momma


Sebastian at Three Weeks

Oh my goodness, my sweetheart is three weeks old today. Time is flying by and I don't like it.

This week was a week of changes for Sebastian. It was as if he woke up out of his newborn fog and has been much more active and awake.

Playing with daddy

This would also include more crankiness as well. I think the poor little guy just has gas issues. In fact he has graced us with poop, pee, and vomit showers. Ahhh parenthood. Luckily, he loves taking showers with daddy which is where he ends up after the bad episodes. A clean baby is a snuggy baby. He continues being my snuggle bug which I adore.

At the beginning of the week my mom came over and we walked about a mile. Sebastian came along in the Moby and we stopped at a park along the way. We even spent a few minutes on the swings. Sebastian didn't seem to be too excited and slept the whole time.

He looks so small in this picture but in reality he is not. We measured him last night and he was 23 inches! Two inches up from birth. Who knows how much he weighs but he is growing out of some of his clothes including his cloth prefolds. Yikes!

He is amazing with holding his head up. We had his first tummy time (bad mommy not taking any pics) and he kept working his neck. Of course he's been great with that since birth.

We also had a nice visit from my great friend Jennifer and her daughter Scarlett. They brought Sebastian a duck lovey and he took it out to visit Grandma today. It made a good pillow.


Sebastian at Two Weeks

Little boy is already two weeks! This last week went fast since we had a few appointments at the beginning of the week and have just been busy.

Saturday my mom and I went to our baptism class which is required for Sebastian to get baptised next month. People couldn't believe he was only 8 days old. One mom thought he was a month. Umm no, he's just a big boy. He did great during the two hour class and slept most of the time after eating briefly. I had to change him before we left and he ended up peeing all over the table. I thought for sure Alex would love that.

Sunday Alex and I ran some errands with Sebastian and he had his first restaurant experience. He slept through most of it though I did have to change him on his changing pad on the bathroom floor (no counters or chairs). He screamed bloody murder and I'm sure patrons thought I was torturing my baby. Poor little guy.

It must have been baby day at the restaurant because there were two other babies there. One couple sat next to us with their daughter in her carrier/stroller the whole time. She looked super small so I asked the mom how old she was. She was two months. Holy Moly! Sebastian was double her size.

Monday we visited a lactation consultant so I could get some help with Sebastian's latch. He doesn't open his mouth very wide so he kills me. The LC does this cool thing where she weighs the babies before they eat and then afterwards to get an idea of how much they eat. Sebastian ate 3oz out of one boob in about 30 min. Craziness. Like I've said, he loves boobs.

Next we went to Sebastian's first pediatrician appointment. Everything looked great though we do need to keep an eye on one of his testicles since it hadn't descended yet. He weighed 9 lbs 6 oz which is awesome for him being 10 days old at the time. Our pedi is really awesome. I wish we could take him to Canada with us.

Afterwards we visited my Grammy so she could see Sebastian for the first time. She was so excited to see and hold him. It really was the sweetest thing. I'm sad that she won't be able to see him very much so these visits we are able to have are all the more special.

Thursday we had my maternity shoot photographer come to the apartment to take newborn pictures of Sebastian. I can't wait to see the proofs. I think she got some awesome shots. As she said, he was a rock star and let her pose him in all sorts of poses.

I do have a little rock star and man, do I love him.


Sebastian at One Week

To My Beloved Son on his One Week Birthday,

Sebastian, I cannot believe it's been a week since you entered our lives and I first got to hold you in my arms. It was that moment, at 12:42, where I felt this overwhelming, instant love for you. I didn't expect it to be like that, but there you were so perfect and beautiful, and you were mine.

The first week has gone so very fast, a sign of how things will be, I know. Time is fleeting especially when you are with those you love. The first day we were home together you and I were resting in bed together. You were nestled in the crook of my arm, breathing your sweet breath on me and all I could do was stroke your gorgeous head and cry. If only you could be tiny forever so I could carry you with me where ever I went for the rest of my life. Pretty silly idea, huh?

Not too silly I guess when the physical you is even more magical than the idea of you I carried with me for 40 weeks and 2 days.

One of my good friends says the love I have for you will get stronger and stronger. How can that be knowing how I feel now when I hold your tiny hand, kiss your velvety head, or stroke your soft cheek. Surely I'll burst.

So, my beautiful boy, what will the next 40 weeks bring, the next 40 years? There is so much I wish and hope for you. I wish you have a life of love, laughter, and happiness, a life of peace and understanding of those around you. I wish you adventure and fulfillment. Because I know pain is inevitable, I wish you only sadness you can withstand and that which makes you stronger. I hope for you to know that I love you more than life itself and always will.

Happy Birthday Lovey B.

Love, Mama

I have been trying to keep working on Sebastian's baby book but it can be very hard to find time when I'm feeding him and holding him so much. There is a section where Alex and I write letters to Sebastian. I guess we were supposed to write them before his arrival but I lag and so I wrote it last night around 30 min before his 1 week birthday. I think I may just start a tradition and write him one every year for him to read when he's older. Yeah, I'm a sap.

We had a lazy week of just getting to know each other, not that I felt like going out and about and being real active. My stitches are just now feeling tolerable. The beginning of the week was just torture on my crotch and it was so hard to be able to get out of bed and move around to do things.

Today I had a bleeding scare and we were requested to rush into the MWs. After an ultrasound and exam (ouch!!) it was decided that I probably just had some big clots starting to come out. Reassuring, yet still scary.

Breastfeeding has been going well. Sebastian is a big boob man and would stay happily latched on 24/7 if he could. We have been co-sleeping in bed together from the beginning in order to save our sanity and so I can feed him on demand. Sleeping next to my sleeping, cuddly baby is just the best thing. He sleeps on his side towards me with his hands tucked under his head. This is how he laid inside of me and we even have an U/S with his hands like this. It just melts my heart.

He had his first at home bath on Wednesday. We video taped it and the poor little dear cried the whole time. He hated it. His cord fell off during filming which was pretty cool to get on tape. 5 days it fell off, amazing.

I cannot believe my precious little boy is already a week. Time is already flying and it so needs to slow down.

A rare moment in the hospital bassinet

Sleepy Baby

How he sleeps


The pirate side eye is already perfected


Sebastian's Birth Story

aka When Natural Birth Goes Awry

I had been having timable contractions in the evenings for a couple days leading up to Sebastian's birth. They would always start at night and would last for a couple of hours before dying out. After I wrote my blog update on the night of the first, they started up again. I timed them, Alex and I getting increasingly excited that this might just be "it".

Around 4:00 am these contractions began to fizzle out as well and in a fit of frustration I went to bed. Alex came in the room and I just lost it. I cried out of my continued frustration and with that, at 4:45 I felt a big gush. This just made me cry more, "I just peed my pants!" Alex quickly corrected me after looking that no, my water had just broke.

And did it. At that point the contractions started getting a bit stronger, though still not painful, and with each contraction there came another gush of water. We must have gone through 5 bath towels.

We had instructions to wait to call the hospital at 7am if my water broke after 10pm and my contractions weren't within 5 min of each other. Since they weren't we just laid around waiting for 7.

At 7am Alex called and we were instructed to come in. I quickly showered, called my mom, and off we went to the hospital.

My regular midwives weren't going to be with me. Meredith was on vacation and Leora had been on call the previous evening so she was only going to be checking in on me once. Luckily the other midwives were just as awesome. I was checked and it was determined that I should be admitted because my water had broke, otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to stay. They did like that I had measured 3cm at my appointment the day before.

At this point my contractions were still mild, feeling like a bad period cramp which was the norm for me pre pregnancy. I was able to move around, joke with my husband and mom, and even eat a little. I was checked internally and found to be 5cm. I also had a forebag of water that hadn't broke yet but we decided to wait it out.

Around 3pm or so I started feeling a new and bad sensation. I started feeling a lot of rectal pressure that also radiated into my back. This was the start of back labor and little did I know how hard that would be.

One thing I had requested in our birth plan was to not be monitored with the EFM, however the hospital had a different idea. I felt totally trapped by the EFM which was strapped on to me every hour. It was something that was making me very irritable.

I tried the tub at least three times but I didn't notice any difference in pain relief once the back labor really kicked in. This was disappointing considering we were really looking forward to utilizing the big, gorgeous tub.

Around 5pm I was checked again. I was still only 5-6cm dilated which was upsetting to me since I thought all the now uncomfortable contractions would have done something. At this point I consented to having the forebag of water ruptured in order to help labor along. It helped alright, it helped the contractions strengthen and I immediately threw up. Contractions became terribly painful at this point and sadly none of our back labor tricks seemed to help.

At 6pm I was feeling massive rectal pressure and a need to push. They checked me and I was still at 6cm. At this point the only place that provided even a modicum of relief was the toilet. However, sitting there all I wanted to do was push. The feeling was overwhelming as was the pain. Contractions were right on top of each other. My husband felt that I was experiencing transition and indeed I went through all the emotional and behavioral cues we were taught in our Bradley classes.

At 6:30 I reached my breaking point and requested Demerol. I felt that with a bit of "help" I could get through the rest of it. The lack of sleep the night before and back labor was wearing on my strength. Sadly the Demerol did nothing which wasn't surprising as drugs have weird effects (or no effect) on me.

At 6:50 I was checked again. I was at 8cm. I still had a lip of cervix which neither the nurse nor the midwife could manipulate out of the way. Because I still needed to push they decided to let me try and the midwife would try to manipulate the cervical lip.

At 8:20 I was still pushing which honestly was the only relief. The manipulation of the lip didn't work and they found the baby had his head cocked at an angle besides being sunny side up. They had me turn to a side lying position which was excruciating. As each contraction peaked all I could do was scream and push. I was told not to push but I literally could not control myself. It was primal at that point with contractions happening one on top of another.

The side lying position hadn't moved the baby so the midwife tried to turn him manually. This also didn't work. At this point it was suggested that I be put on pitocin with an epidural in order to allow me to fully dilate since I was still stuck at 8cm. If this didn't work we would be facing a c section, my worst labor nightmare.

I agreed and the anesthesiologist was called. The next half an hour was awful. All I could do was sit on the toilet and push. The nurses kept telling me to breathe out and resist pushing but I couldn't.

Once the epi was administered I could actually rest and the constant need to push was gone. I was put into the side lie again and within 45 minutes I was fully dilated and the baby had turned and moved into 3+ station. I didn't even need the foley catheter it happened so fast.

Pushing was easy. I could feel the contractions enough to know when they were building and knew how to push thanks to our classes and to the fact I pushed earlier in the evening. After two hours if pushing, Sebastian came out into the world at 12:42 am on July 3rd. He was crying even before his body was out and was the most beautiful pink color right off the bat. He scored 9 out of 10 on his apgars though some of the nurses felt he should have scored a 10.

While I was loving and admiring my baby the scene around me was a bit frantic though I wasn't aware of it. Apparently I was loosing a lot of blood and they were worried about hemorrhaging. My husband is still freaked out about it. I also had a second degree tear I sustained at the very end of pushing.

Regardless of it all, I am so grateful for my little boy who is the most beautiful thing on the planet. I can't even express the love I feel for him.

Am I disappointed that I didn't have the natural birth we so hoped for? Yes, and no. I think I definitely could be if I hadn't been faced with the impending c section an issues with my labor. People are correct when they say, in the end you do what will bring your baby into the world safely. I am comforted with the fact that I labored for over 18 hours with excruciating back labor med free. I am comforted by the support my mom, husband, and dear friend showed me during this labor and by them telling me how proud they were of me. Most of all I am comforted by my son lying in my arms sleeping peacefully as I type this. He was worth it all.


He's Here!

Those contractions were real after all.

Alex and I welcomed our sweet Sebastian to the world on July 3, 2009 at 12:42 am. He weighed 8 lbs 13 ozs and was 21 inches.


The EDD arrives...and passes

First off I'd like to acknowledge the fact that I've slacked off in the blogging department, I know. Honestly I don't know how time flew by so fast. The end of the school year always has made me crazy busy and that paired with getting ready for Sebastian, and my hard drive crashing contributed to my blog fail. But, here I am and I'll try to catch people up in a timely manner.


Well, the school year is over and so is my time at JSS, possibly even my teaching career as I'm not sure I will go back to teaching. I was so sad to have to leave and am still feeling really bitter over my layoff. My principal never made any reference to me leaving at the end which pissed me off but I figure she was just covering for her guilt.

I had to tell the 4th graders I wasn't coming back during move up day. Some of them knew I wasn't coming back but assumed it was because of the baby. I decided to tell them the truth because I think it's important that the school families know that it wasn't my decision. They were pretty disappointed, mainly because some of them had been waiting for me to be their teacher for many years. I would have taught them in second grade but I was moved to fifth grade that year.

Then I had to tell my class and damn those pregnancy hormones, I cried. It didn't help that I had some of my students cry as well. One of the girls wouldn't stop she was so upset. That sort of thing just breaks your heart.

Anyway, I have most of my stuff packed up and waiting for me to give birth and Alex to break down the garage office so we can store the boxes before our big move.


We are moving to Canada. When exactly, I'm not sure. I'm guessing around the end of August. Alex will be driving our stuff in a U-Haul across the country and Sebastian and I will follow by plane.

Moving is scary and makes me extremely sad. I've never lived anywhere else and don't know anything else. The thought of leaving my mother and my grandmother is...well...I can't even describe the feelings. My mom is trying to take the news the best she can but I know the thought of me being so far away is terrible for both of them. In all honesty, I think we are in denial that it will be happening soon.

What can I do though, you know? I need to go where my family leads and I'm not going to leave my husband in order to continue struggling here.


Sadly, my hard drive crashed so bad it took all of my pics with it :( So I can't update with a lot of pics. I will need o take a 40w belly pic tomorrow and I'll post that later.

I can't believe I have arrived at my due date. First off I can't believe it because everybody and their brother thought I would go early. Secondly, I can't believe it because this pregnancy has gone so fast. I never felt the time drag. Well, let me take that back. Waiting for labor is dragging, but more on that in a second.

Alex and I completed our Bradley childbirth classes a couple weeks ago. It was worth every penny and every hour. Our instructor, Sarah, was fantastic. We learned so much from her. Alex especially loved the classes. He has said that he didn't truly feel involved in the births of his older kids. He was just sort of there in the background. He feels that this time will be different, and he feels great knowing that I will be depending on him.

I feel great about his involvement too as he really has been so supportive through the classes and through all of my doctor appointments, doing the lion's share of the housework so I can be busy "growing a baby". He's really excited now and can't wait to meet his little boy.

Our appointments have gone well. I passed the GBS test, something I was freaked out about because IVs bother me so bad I would practically gnaw my arm off if I had one in. I followed my midwives' and our Bradley instructors advice to try and combat the GBS test. They encouraged me to take probiotics, vitamin c, and echinacea. I don't know if it worked but I do know that I passed. No IV or heplock for me. Woot!

That same appointment I had my first internal. Originally I was going to wave internals but curiosity got the best of me and I've had one ever since. A girl has got to know...

So my stats are as follows:

37w: 1cm dilated, 70% effaced, 0 station
38w: 1.5 cm dilated, 80% effaced, 0 station
39w: no change
40w: 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, 0 station

I ended up losing my mucus plug twice. Twice people! Way to fake a girl out. The first time was a few days after my first internal and the second was at 39w2d after Alex and I went geocaching.

Yes, I went geocaching 9 months pregnant but I was bound and determined to get things going. I actually was able to log a FTF (First to Find) which is pretty awesome.

I've tried almost every natural induction method on the books, save for castor oil. There is no way I'm doing that. I've taken EPO since 36w, drank red raspberry leaf tea, walked tons, had sex (ouch!), ate pineapple, ate supper spicy food, bounced on my birthing ball, and had a foot massage.

Nothing has seemed to work except for my membranes being swept and walking. Those things have caused me to have mild contractions that are timeable for about an hour or so, occurring every six minutes but then they stop right when I start to think they might turn into something. It's such a huge fake-out and so disappointing and frustrating.

The only good thing I can say for the contractions is that they obviously are doing a little bit of something since I went from 1.5 to 3cm in a week. I also have had some bloody show two days in a row. Leora, one of my midwives says that it's a really good thing because some women go into labor with absolutely no dilation and I know she's right. Getting to 3 or 4cm in a fairly painless way is good and I need to be thankful for that.

Anyway, that's where I am currently. No Canada Day baby for me. Come on out Sebastian, we are ready for you!