Blog Potpourri

I've been remiss at updating. So much has been going on that even the idea of updating tired me out, but here goes.

Spa Trip

Megan and I had our spa trip that Alex bought for me a couple weeks ago. It was pretty damn awesome despite the rain and cold of Sausalito. The first day there we had foot and hand massages and the second day we had full body massages. Because it was a pregnancy package they had special foam things so I could lay face down without laying on my belly. That was kind of weird but the massage was great. We also were given meals which was nice.

We found this super fun store that had kick ass goodies. We saw this gum that would be perfect for all our 606 girls.

All that was missing was tuna flavored mermaid gum.

The next day we wandered about Haight-Ashbury before heading home. All in all it was a great get-away and I was glad to share it with May.


Sadly, we had to make the decision to put Tristan to sleep the following Saturday. He was with us for an extra week longer than we thought we'd have. The night before I was to bring him in, he was playing, eating, and being completely lovable. It was if he was normal despite having a growing tumor on his spine.

Each day we'd spend tons of time with him, playing among the sheets and comforter (his favorite place to play). Sometimes he'd drag one of his hind legs around, sometimes he wouldn't. He didn't seem to mind and continued cuddling with us and bruxing every time we'd talk to him.

However, the sore on his tail just kept looking worse, even with constant medicating, and soon he drug his leg all the time.

My poor, sweet boy. I hated having to make that decision and signing that paper. Most of my rats have passed at home as I've held them and that has been strangely comforting, knowing that they went when it was their time and knowing I was with them. I just couldn't go in the back with Tristan though. I just can't see it being done to them. It breaks my heart.

So now I have a rat free home and it kills me. I've had rats for the past seven years and my house seems empty without them. I keep expecting to look at the empty cage and see an excited fuzzbutt looking back at me hoping I had a treat or waiting for me to take them out and give them scritches. It's just not right and I have a hole in my heart.

I can't get any new babies right now, though. I couldn't put them through a likely move and a new baby. So, I'll just have to wait.


Grrr. I'm still bitter and pissed over the whole thing. It doesn't help my attitude in the least especially when I'm so freaking exhausted all the time. Good thing I have a great group of kids this year.


My friend Ed came into town for an uber brief visit. He's lived in NYC for years and the last time I saw him was at my 5 year vow renewal for my first marriage (yeah, that was me trying to save the disaster). Alex finally got to meet the famous "Eddie" on St Patrick's Day when we met up, at all places, a Mexican restaurant. We were even "entertained" by a 8 piece bagpipe group. Ed even got to feel Sebastian kick him, though I think it creeped him out a bit.

Anyway it was great to see Ed, albeit brief. He seemed to be doing great and looked the best I'd seen him.

Ed looking nice, me looking like crap.


I have been asked for belly pics so here is the latest at 26 weeks, a week ago. I stopped doing the every week thing because I've just gotten too tired and lazy to deal with taking them. This pic really does my belly no justice. What you can't see is, instead of continuing to go out (which I have a little) I have widened significantly. Baby boy is making me expand in all directions.

At my 25w midwife appointment I was told that by the next time she saw me I'd be doubled in size. Holy crap! Sebastian is measuring big, now she says I'm measuring big. I'm only 27 weeks and I already feel like a moose. All those maternity clothes with the "Purchase your pre-pregnancy size" labels are liars! My size smalls don't fit anymore. My size mediums barely fit. I'm heading into large territory (I'm already wearing some) and it's not just the boobs. I can't wait for school to be out so I can sit around in sweats all day.

We've also started our Bradley Method classes. Our instructor is awesome. She's giving us private lessons and is a military wife who has had two natural births. Both Alex and I are really enjoying her class and her style. It's so ironic how the class focuses so much on relaxation when that is something that is a huge hurdle for me. I have a very hard time relaxing ever so I hope that with this class and with Alex's help, I can do it.

Next up, gestational diabetes test in two weeks and our first hospital tour. We'll see what we think of Sutter. I'd also like to tour Dominican the same day but I don't know if that would be possible. Third tri and its reality is scary!


And the Ax Falls

Remember how worried I was yesterday regarding Alex's layoff, job search, possible moving? Yeah well, it's gotten worse. Looks like I'm getting laid off at the end of the school year. I have no words right now, just tears.


Looks Like We Made It!

It's my "V Day"! That is viability day for those not familiar with message board speak. While part of me is so excited that Sebastian and I have reached that milestone of viability, another part of me is still worried that he will be snatched from me at a moment's notice.

I'm also scared knowing that he will be here before I know it. In fact this whole pregnancy has passed in a flash. Two weeks away from third tri, are you kidding me? We are so not ready! And the uncertainty of what will happen in the next few months has been a huge stress builder.

While Alex is working as a contractor right now, it's only temporary. Who knows where we will be in a few months. He has said he'll let me know by the end of the month whether we will stay here for a while or whether we will be moving (most likely to Canada). Either way he hasn't been terribly forthcoming about any job offers or even proactive in looking since he's doing the contract work. My boss wants to know by the end of the month if I am coming back next year and to be honest I don't think I'll have an answer for her.

If it looks like we'll stay here, we'll need to find a house to rent in May or June. Cue my panic over packing, moving, getting a house/nursery ready before Sebastian's arrival in very early July. Or if we need to move we'll stay in our crap hole apartment until after Sebastian is here and we'll have to move to another country with a newborn.

Obviously, I am hoping for choice one, mainly because I do not want to leave my family now that I have a baby on the way. The thought of leaving them breaks my heart on a daily basis but what can I do? I have to go where my husband and his job is.

I just have to keep taking it day by day. We got to V day, we can make it through the rest. Right?


You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

This has been a week of milestones and has ended with some impending sadness. I'll start with the good first.

I reached 23 weeks on Wednesday. Now I know 24 weeks is viability, and believe me I'm so excited to be almost there, but I can't help but keep 23 weeks in my mind. It's hard to believe that I was born at 23 weeks and that I even made it at all seeing how it was 1972 and I was in a normal hospital with no NICU.

Pic taken at 1 month old ~ 3lbs 10oz

Anyway I know how fortunate I am that I was born as healthy as I was. I also can't imagine having Sebastian now. I keep thinking, he's not done cooking yet! It makes me put myself in my mom's shoes. How scared she must have been. She hadn't had any childbirth classes, any showers, hadn't a thing ready for me (not that that would matter much seeing how I was in an incubator in the hospital for two months). She wasn't able to hold me or even touch me for those two months.

To this day she still doesn't know why I came early, just that I did. That poor woman was in labor for 36 hours without any meds of any kind (they wouldn't give her any) to not know if I was going to make it in the end.

So keep cooking Sebastian. We don't want to meet you just yet.

A good thing that happened this week centered on the arrival of a FedEx envelope. My step-daughter was accepted into the pre med program at Guelph University in Ontario, Canada. Plus she already is going to receive a $3000.00 scholarship because her grades are so high. I think this made her year is not life. I am definitely proud of her and all of her hard work. I knew she'd get in (she didn't think she would) but I am excited it's a reality for her. Now we have to focus on getting her more scholarships.

The bad thing is the discovery of Tristan, my last little rattie, gnawing and picking at the base of his tail. Alex took him in and they gave him some cream to put on it and some antibiotics. A couple days later it was ten times worse. Poor thing was bleeding all over the place. He's taken in to the vet again and they find a fast growing tumor on his spine. This one is inoperable. It's deadened the feeling in his tail so he doesn't know he's hurting himself when he picks at his tail. He's just trying to relieve the pressure back there.

My poor baby love. We will be taking him in on Monday morning to get put to sleep. I am so sad to lose my little rattie boy. For now I just have been spending lots of time with him and giving him crap loads of treats and kisses, which he has also been giving (kisses, not treats).

I will have no more rattie fuzzibutts in the house after this. I know we will get some more someday but this isn't the time. I can hardly imagine a house without ratties.


Goodbye Waist, My Old Friend

Ahh yes, I remember it like yesterday. I must have been in sixth grade when I noticed you. I even remember where I was, the cloakroom at school. I remember remarking that I could use my newly formed waist and hips as a ledge for my arms. You never let me down, my friend. When my boobs failed to be the sort of boobs a young girl would want, you were there. When my period failed to show when everybody else's was, you were there. I could count on you to help my big ass look great and help me fit in juniors jeans for longer than I should have.

I'll miss you, waist, and I hope to see you again.


I Think I Like This Bedding

Not that we have a nursery at the moment to even think of decorating (don't get me started on how sad that makes me) but I'm assuming we will have one in the somewhat near future depending on where we move to.

If we were having a girl I had everything set. I was going to go full steam ahead with a shabby chic theme and had tons of stuff already picked out and bookmarked on my comp. Boy stuff was always more difficult. The bedding I totally loved (still do) is a New Arrivals set and is seriously $400.00. For three pieces! It's vintage looking, 30's colors, everything I love, but way too expensive.

I like this Bananafish set. It's calming. It looks semi-vintage or at least I could accessorize with vintage stuff and it would be ok. Alex likes it too. I think we have a winner.

Now we just need a room to put it in.

Book Love

I was bad yesterday. I went to Kohls to get a couple pair of maternity pants that wouldn't cause me to kill someone and I ended up drifting to the next section and buying Sebastian some super cute clothes. *sigh*. At least it was on sale so I wasn't that bad. Ah the lure of "half off".

Later after we took my mom to her birthday dinner we stopped at Borders. Bethia pointed out the most amazing baby books. Before I show them to you can I just say how happy that made me that she actually saw something baby related and thought of me and her baby brother to be? It's a big leap to say the least.

Anyway, I bought two of them, Baby Animals and One Tree. I hope they will have more of these out soon.

They are board books that are written intelligently and focus on eco themes. Baby Animals centers around animals that are endangered or threatened. Kids search for them on the pages while learning about them. At the end of the book they have tips on what to do to save these animals.

One Tree is all about trees and the animals/insects that live in them. At the back of this one there are tips on how to save the trees and information on how trees help us.

Both books have super cute art and are printed on 98% recycled materials with soy based inks. Yeah, nifty.