A Certain Sort of Guilt

Yesterday, I went to Emily's 5th birthday party. She was one of my preschool students and is also going to attend JSS next year. That, I think, is going to be pretty unique, teaching a student in two stages of her life.

As always it's great to see all the kids. They always seem so thrilled to see me, "Ms. Jennifer, Ms. Jennifer you came!". They hugged me and sat with me, drug me into the bounce house (which I had never done before) and all taking turns being the one to hold my hand. Nothing makes you feel love like preschoolers I say. They are free to show you and they do it often.

Most of the parents there know that I am not coming back. Three of them are very close friends of each other and friends of mine. They in turn have told a few others. It was a topic of the day, my new employment. I had hoped the school would make a formal announcement but they hadn't so one family found out when another parent asked me when my new job started. The look on that mothers face was pure shock and panic. I hadn't meant for people to find out that way. As the party drew on it had been mentioned that Teagan was leaving "she wouldn't be challenged next year", Lyla's mom was trying to forge her birth certificate to show she was two weeks older so she could attend Kindergarten this year, "I only had her there because of you." And the two very influential university staff parents whose children were moving over from the toddler side had already pulled their children out of the school. I know it was because I wasn't going to be there.

So now I have this bit of guilt. Don't take me wrong I wouldn't have given up this opportunity of a lifetime to be at the school I always dreamed I would, but I do feel badly that I am causing people to leave the center. I couldn't have been the only good thing at the center.

I will miss my babies, miss their hugs and their little hands, their smiles and their funny jokes, miss them shouting, "look what I learned!"

Yesterday 3 year old Adara told me a joke I'd like to share:

"Ms. Jennifer wanna hear a dirty joke?"


"A pig went into the mud" (she laughs hysterically)"That's really dirty huh?"

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