Cycle 17 is Already a Bitch

17. 17 cycles and I'm still not pregnant.

I didn't even cry when my period showed yesterday. It was as if I expected it to. It's second nature now, that dissapointment. I had some hope this last cycle, which I kick myself for now. No spotting until the day before FP showed and FP showed late. I figure any made up "symptoms" were created by my body to merely to mess with my head.

This became an even bigger slap in the face this afternoon when a former BOTB regular on the Nest showed up today to announce her second BFP. I remember her first BFP and while I liked her, I just couldn't muster up a congrats in her announcement post.

Because it just isn't fair and I'm tired of being bitter and sad.

One Would Think I have a Masterbation Problem

You'd think from the multiple times I've fingered myself today that I do. Nope, I'm merely being a CM checking psycho. Yesterday, 12 DPO, no spotting in the 50 million times I checked. Today, 13 DPO, I have yet to see any signs of spotting and believe me I've looked....like a sex crazed loser.

This 2WW is currently driving me batshit crazy.