17. 17 cycles and I'm still not pregnant.
I didn't even cry when my period showed yesterday. It was as if I expected it to. It's second nature now, that dissapointment. I had some hope this last cycle, which I kick myself for now. No spotting until the day before FP showed and FP showed late. I figure any made up "symptoms" were created by my body to merely to mess with my head.
This became an even bigger slap in the face this afternoon when a former BOTB regular on the Nest showed up today to announce her second BFP. I remember her first BFP and while I liked her, I just couldn't muster up a congrats in her announcement post.
Because it just isn't fair and I'm tired of being bitter and sad.
Showing posts with label Nest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nest. Show all posts
6/26/08
It Happened For Me, it Can Happen For You Too
Why do people do this?
Lately it's been happening pretty often on TTC6+. People happily march over to our board to tell us to chin up, or to have hope. "It took my husband and me 10 months to get pregnant. I know what it's like to think it's never going to happen", or "Anyone want a CBEFM? I used it and got pregnant right away. Maybe it'll help one of you".
Excuse me but.... *Gag*
Now I know in their minds they are being helpful, and that it's coming from the kindest place possible, but OMG does it upset me.
Really, you tried for 10 months and you know what it feels like to be me? Really? 10 months seems a long time ago already. She even mentioned a m/c and I don't even have that to claim.
Not that I would want to go through that, not at all. I've seen my Nest friends hurt like no other over it, but part of me deep down says to myself that if I did have that happen at least I personally would know that I *could* get pregnant. Right now, I don't know that. All I know is my body has never even attempted a baby. I'm 36 years old and I haven't even had a scare. So no lady, you don't really know what it's like to think it's never going to happen. Just like I don't know what it's like to be some of my very dear friends who have struggled for much longer than I.
Many women talk about how things will be when they get pregnant, they can imagine themselves with a baby belly. I've realized recently that I can't anymore. It's scary, but I can't. It's like this unobtainable goal that I can't picture myself reaching. My mother of course would say I was giving up. I don't know what I would call it.
So when people say it happened for them and that it could happen for me too, I just don't believe them. I want to laugh in their faces. I want to ask them (while shaking them) "How do you know that?" Because they don't. They don't know that. And no amount of CBEFM's or pep talks will clear up the mystery as to whether I'll be a mother or not.
Lately it's been happening pretty often on TTC6+. People happily march over to our board to tell us to chin up, or to have hope. "It took my husband and me 10 months to get pregnant. I know what it's like to think it's never going to happen", or "Anyone want a CBEFM? I used it and got pregnant right away. Maybe it'll help one of you".
Excuse me but.... *Gag*
Now I know in their minds they are being helpful, and that it's coming from the kindest place possible, but OMG does it upset me.
Really, you tried for 10 months and you know what it feels like to be me? Really? 10 months seems a long time ago already. She even mentioned a m/c and I don't even have that to claim.
Not that I would want to go through that, not at all. I've seen my Nest friends hurt like no other over it, but part of me deep down says to myself that if I did have that happen at least I personally would know that I *could* get pregnant. Right now, I don't know that. All I know is my body has never even attempted a baby. I'm 36 years old and I haven't even had a scare. So no lady, you don't really know what it's like to think it's never going to happen. Just like I don't know what it's like to be some of my very dear friends who have struggled for much longer than I.
Many women talk about how things will be when they get pregnant, they can imagine themselves with a baby belly. I've realized recently that I can't anymore. It's scary, but I can't. It's like this unobtainable goal that I can't picture myself reaching. My mother of course would say I was giving up. I don't know what I would call it.
So when people say it happened for them and that it could happen for me too, I just don't believe them. I want to laugh in their faces. I want to ask them (while shaking them) "How do you know that?" Because they don't. They don't know that. And no amount of CBEFM's or pep talks will clear up the mystery as to whether I'll be a mother or not.
6/20/08
Clomid the "Magic" Pill
The lengths women go to get on Clomid is redamndiculous.
I am so tired of seeing the stupid chicks on the Nest boards whine and cry about how they want twins, or how they've been trying for three long months and need to get on Clomid right away. Girls "Ashley" their way into getting it, crying to their doctors and would you believe some doctors actually give it to them? Some OBs dispense it like it is candy.
It is not fun people!! It is a harsh, nasty drug that I would never wish anyone to take, seriously.
So today we have a prime example of Clomid douchbaggery:
So we call her on it. I and others tell her that it was incredibly stupid for her to take so much against doctors orders and that she can't play the "I didn't know card" because Clomid only comes in 50mg pills and 150mg = 3 pills. So then she comes up with this excuse.
Hell yes, it was dumb, not to mention her doctor okayed it? WTF? What a fucking quack. No doctor worth his/her salt would okay someone to keep taking 200mg of Clomid like that. I mean I took 150mg and I was terribly overstimmed. I can't even imagine what 200mg would do to my body.
I tell her that she needs a new doctor stat and she responds:
Again...duh!
People like that make me want to scream. Oh well, it's not my ovaries.
I am so tired of seeing the stupid chicks on the Nest boards whine and cry about how they want twins, or how they've been trying for three long months and need to get on Clomid right away. Girls "Ashley" their way into getting it, crying to their doctors and would you believe some doctors actually give it to them? Some OBs dispense it like it is candy.
It is not fun people!! It is a harsh, nasty drug that I would never wish anyone to take, seriously.
So today we have a prime example of Clomid douchbaggery:
Did I have the big O?
From: VioletFemmeOC
Date: 6/20/2008 at 11:17 AMStupid question here since I know not to focus too much on one temp...
I took 200mg clomid this month (pharmacy _fucked up, supposed to be only 150) and my temp jumped way high this morning. Take a look...
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1a9ea6
Clomid taken earlier make you o earlier right? I took it days 2-6.
So we call her on it. I and others tell her that it was incredibly stupid for her to take so much against doctors orders and that she can't play the "I didn't know card" because Clomid only comes in 50mg pills and 150mg = 3 pills. So then she comes up with this excuse.
From: VioletFemmeOC
Date: 6/20/2008 at 2:24 PM
Yeah I was stupid for taking the wrong dosage but I called my doctor after the second day of taking 200mg and he told me to continue. I took the last dose on Monday night and haven't had any pain thank God but yeah, that was dumb of me.
Hell yes, it was dumb, not to mention her doctor okayed it? WTF? What a fucking quack. No doctor worth his/her salt would okay someone to keep taking 200mg of Clomid like that. I mean I took 150mg and I was terribly overstimmed. I can't even imagine what 200mg would do to my body.
I tell her that she needs a new doctor stat and she responds:
From: VioletFemmeOC
Date: 6/20/2008 at 4:21 PM
Sorry ladies, I had to run to Ralph's. I've been thinking for quite some time to switch doctors, maybe this is the time to do it.
Again...duh!
People like that make me want to scream. Oh well, it's not my ovaries.
6/14/08
"He's O3"
Last night was so fun. I don't think I've laughed that hard in ever so long. It's always amazing meeting friends from the internet for the first time. My MOH was one, my DH another. You build up such a bond online that when you meet in person for the first time it's as if you've known each other for years. It was certainly like that when I met Megan last night.
After hanging out at my house for an hour we decided to go to The Crown and Anchor, a local pub, for dinner. Eating was kind of difficult since we were talking so much.
One thing you have to have while at the Crown is their Sticky Toffee Pudding. OMG I have to get it every time. It is sex in a dish, I'm not even kidding.
I was laughing so hard when May took the "shocker" picture (yes she loved the Sticky Toffee too) I almost peed my pants.
How can you not like a place when they have coasters from British pubs with such fantabulous names?
That went into my purse.
Next we moved on to The Brit (Britannia Arms) which used to be my stomping grounds before it was infiltrated with douches and whores. We had barely sat down and some Navy dude started trying to hit on us. Never mind our rings were in full view of his face. He gave us a beer (what? one?) but ended up leaving after our Irish Car Bombs arrived.
May: "Oooh our 'real' beers are here."
We made him take pictures of us.
Maybe he didn't like our faces. LOL Notice the flashing rings.
The carnage of the car bombs with our "gifted beer"
At this point the silliness just continued. We realized that the contents of our purses could supply a Walgreen's. So what are two girls to do but set up a picture. Did the people in the bar think we were crazy? Most likely.
The Cock Inn coaster had to be included, because have cock will travel.
As further proof that May's pineapple leather is utterly disgusting...
Original Grossness
It really is *that* bad. I actually gagged. The things we do to get knocked up.
The people watching was top notch with all the drunk ass people around. The Navy dude ended up hitting on some young thing and watching them was comedy gold. If only I was able to get a pic of him dancing when his ass fell out of his jeans. Priceless. As he walked by us before we left we each gave him a knuckle bump(which we had seen his buddy do to him when he "scored" a dance with the young thing). This caused the chick to come up to us and pissily say, "He's O3."
Huh? WTF? May then said that it had to be his military ranking. Ok, so he's an officer. Most of them around here are. OOoooh big fucking deal. I just laughed at the chick because, hello, we're married. we don't give a rat's ass what this drunk dude's ranking is. Blech. Besides this is Monterey. Monterey is crawling with Military dudes and they are all the same to me.
All in all it was a kick ass evening. I had so much freaking fun and Megan is a hottie and a sweetheart. Hopefully it will be just the first of other good times. We are already planning on a west coast mermaid shoot.
We did miss "our girls" and wished you all could have been there. You all got to have some of the Navy dude's beer though, so have no fear.
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