It Happened For Me, it Can Happen For You Too

Why do people do this?

Lately it's been happening pretty often on TTC6+. People happily march over to our board to tell us to chin up, or to have hope. "It took my husband and me 10 months to get pregnant. I know what it's like to think it's never going to happen", or "Anyone want a CBEFM? I used it and got pregnant right away. Maybe it'll help one of you".

Excuse me but.... *Gag*

Now I know in their minds they are being helpful, and that it's coming from the kindest place possible, but OMG does it upset me.

Really, you tried for 10 months and you know what it feels like to be me? Really? 10 months seems a long time ago already. She even mentioned a m/c and I don't even have that to claim.

Not that I would want to go through that, not at all. I've seen my Nest friends hurt like no other over it, but part of me deep down says to myself that if I did have that happen at least I personally would know that I *could* get pregnant. Right now, I don't know that. All I know is my body has never even attempted a baby. I'm 36 years old and I haven't even had a scare. So no lady, you don't really know what it's like to think it's never going to happen. Just like I don't know what it's like to be some of my very dear friends who have struggled for much longer than I.

Many women talk about how things will be when they get pregnant, they can imagine themselves with a baby belly. I've realized recently that I can't anymore. It's scary, but I can't. It's like this unobtainable goal that I can't picture myself reaching. My mother of course would say I was giving up. I don't know what I would call it.

So when people say it happened for them and that it could happen for me too, I just don't believe them. I want to laugh in their faces. I want to ask them (while shaking them) "How do you know that?" Because they don't. They don't know that. And no amount of CBEFM's or pep talks will clear up the mystery as to whether I'll be a mother or not.


jessica said...

I can only assume these women aren't thinking before they post. And then they have the nerve to complain to others that we are "mean". Whatevs.

emilythehopeless said...

it's amazing how ignorant and insensitive people can be..
i guarantee that if i ever have a baby, i would never jump all over other infertiles with my "advice".. everyone is different ESPECIALLY with infertility.. and no matter what happens i will always be "infertile".. ugh.. sorry you have to deal with such helpful people.
i know what you mean about never being pregnant.. it's very scary to think that our bodies aren't capable of it. adding to the usual roller coaster, some days i am convinced it WILL HAPPEN.. other days (like lately) i'm convinced it never will. some times i really don't see my body changing that way.. it seems impossible.
thanks for your comment on my blog.. true, the thread i wear let's me know that i'm not alone.. which is so very important. i'd have to say my hopeless tattoo is by far my favorite tattoo.. it's my motto and my journey. although it would be great if some day that tattoo is stretched by a pregnant belly. sigh.
good luck with your IVF plans.. how great if we cycled together in september! keep in touch!

sorry.. i wrote a novel :)


kate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
May T said...


Maria Luisa said...

Chrysallys, again, your ability to convey what I'm feeling amazes me. I could have written that post word for word.

I've been at this a long time. I won't even mention the number again, because it is of no consequence. I will only say that it is a number much much larger than 10.

I am 33, and like you, have never even had a scare. So I do understand every bit of what you're saying.

My only comment is to say, I know how you feel, and I can understand your aggravation.

I know, as you do, that they don't mean harm. But, people are not aware of how grating their comments can be. They have no clue.

Anyways, just wanted to send you some love and HUGS!

And to say I hope you have an AWESOME time on vacation!

The Bailly Family said...

*hugs* darlin. People say some seirously hurtful things, and don't realize it -

Monica said...

I agree with every word you wrote. TTC isn't weight loss infomercial ("If I can do it, anyone can do it!") and it's not like if you put your nose to the grindstone you can cough up the goods like you could for a term paper. How blissfully unaware these women must be...

Addykins said...

People can be insensitive bastards. I'm sorry hun. I'm right here with you. ::hugs::

Stephanie said...

Those posts that have been popping up on 6+ lately have been annoying and anger inducing for me too.

I've learned that with IF and TTTC nobody can realy say they know 'exactly' how anyone else feels. Yes, we might all have a general sense of what others are going through, but I've never been in your shoes, so I can't say I know what you are feeling. But know I'm here for you and you are always close to my heart and in my prayers. ((hugs))