Like Sands Through an Hourglass

Last night's sadness continued further into the evening. I had cried for everyone else earlier in the night and ended up crying for myself when I was trying to fall asleep. Alex, of course was oblivious to my tears as he always is, sleeping away as I cry my eyes out.

I hate that. It makes me cry all the more because I start to get pissed off.

You are part of the reason I'm crying buddy and you can't even wake up and aknowledge that.

And time continues to slip away. I'm starting to freak out again, freak out that Septemeber won't be our month either. I had to call my clinic yesterday to take care of a bill and I asked the finance person if we'd have to make an appointment with her to go over IVF stuff. She said yes. So before we get this IVF show on the road I'm assuming we'd have to meet with:

1.) RE
2.) IVF coordinator
3.) Financial/insurance coordinator
4.) God knows who else

I also was told that if we waited too long I'd have to redo bloodwork so I have until November for that. She wanted to know if I wanted to make an appointment over the phone and I told her I couldn't just yet. Again everything has to be held off until the last minute and it's stressing me out beyond belief. It shouldn't be that way.

Yet Alex is blissfully unaware of all of it. We have therapy tomorrow and we'll see if I can get a straight answer from him. Things are going really well between us, shouldn't he give me a chance?

I hate this.


baby4ot said...

chrys - I honestly don't know how you deal with his indecision as well as you do. I really hope you can get some answers tonight at therapy or at least maybe an answer as to exactly when he can/will give you an answer. Good luck! I feel for you.

The Bailly Family said...

I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap. I really hop your can get some answers and have him listen to you!

*hugs* Good luck!

Serendipite said...

Why are men so clueless sometimes??? ((hugs)) I'm so sorry

May T said...

Yeah, honestly.. I can't say that I would stay with Ray if he were pulling this crap. Not necessarily get a DIV, but definitely go stay at someone else's house until he pulls his head out of his ass. It's not just about him! Maybe it's inappropriate to be mad at your H, but I am. It really pisses me off that he's not thinking about you. That he continues to break your heart. I wish I could kick his ass for you. -Sorry if this is butting in too much.. just being honest. I feel your heart.

Maria Luisa said...

I'm so sorry. It's so unfair.

I pray that he will come to his senses soon.

As hard as it's been, I know that you have been doing the right thing. I'm sure in your heart you feel the same way. I can only hope that your husband realizes the kind of sacrifice you have made in order to appease him and help him maintain his sanity...

You are a very strong person, and I hope and pray that this uncertain period ends soon and you are able to put it all behind you.

HUGE Hugs!

JenM said...


I hope that the therapy session helps, and I wish he would realize how much this all hurts you. I wish you the best, and I hope things look better soon.

Stephanie said...

I hope things went ok tonight at therapy. I pray for you all the time that you will be moving forward with IVF and have your baby in your arms someday soon.

You have so much strength, you inspire me so much. I know I would not handle what you are going through so gracefully. (((hugs))) I'm always here for you.